ALSO READ: How love entangled me into crime
- Listeners of a popular vernacular radio station were recently left in stitches after an angry female listener called in during a ‘venting segment’ of an evening show.
- The woman called to complain and shame what she called a ‘shenzi type (idiot)’ of the day — a male neighbour whom she had busted, trying to steal her panties from a communal cloth line!
Listeners called in and cracked all sorts of ribald jokes, with one man in particular leaving everyone in stitches when he boasted about his panties-stealing ventures. He claimed stealing the undergarments without getting caught gives him a kick.
“We have been stealing those things (panties) from time immemorial,” he joked in local dialect. He went on to brag about tens of undies he is hoarding and the excitement he derives from the weird venture.
Strange panty fetish
“To me, panties are like collectors’ items. I have accumulated so many of them. The scented pantie of a woman I have a crush on in the estate alone excites me,” he giggled, setting the presenters in paroxysm of laughter. When one of the radio presenters naughtily asked him if he spares married women’s panties, he, amid chuckles, said: “I only steal those that belong to single woman, especially those I lust after.” The unidentified man hung up, leaving the shocked show hosts and listeners howling with laughter. The matter interested us and after investigations, it turns out that actually most men have this strange fetish for panties. A couple of women confessed to us that, indeed, this kind of theft is common. Only that they had no clue the motivation behind it.
“I have lost count of the number of times my underwear has gone missing from the cloth line. May be those kind of thieving men could be behind it,” said a city-based woman who didn’t want to be mentioned.
Apparently, as we discovered, men not only steal, but also borrow and beg panties from girlfriends, female friends and strangers for various reasons. But just so you may know, it has absolutely nothing to do with witchcraft!
Rogue bachelor’s trophies
ALSO READ: 10 rules of social media etiquette
Sharon* tickles this writer with a tale of how she caught her cousin stealing her undies. “I was shocked, but found it very hilarious. He plucked my prized G-string from a hanger as I was organising my wardrobe and storytelling. He quickly tried to tuck them in his pocket,” she says.
Sharon* says when her naughty cousin discovered she had spotted him and was not amused, he returned it, apologised and begged her to give it to him to keep it for a while. “When I expressed displeasure, he was apologetic, claiming he wanted to keep it as a souvenir to remember me by,” says Sharon*. Koech*, a private school teacher in Nairobi, confesses he is a big fun of this kind of ‘trophies’. He says in his heydays, he was a rogue bachelor and used to keep them, so as to help him keep track of special women he had romantically been involved with. Narrating how it almost cost him his relationship with his girlfriend (now his wife), he says he once came home only to find the rattled woman sulking and puffed up like a rearing-to-strike snake.
Woman stumbles on boyfriends’ panties
“She was pissed off and seething with rage. When I inquired, she hissed, demanding to know which women I had been bringing home behind her back,” he says. Unknown to him, she had stumbled upon a small carton box where he had been hiding panties in the ceiling board. Koech* says it took a lot of explanation and convincing for his wife to understand. “Ever since, I stopped collecting the ‘trophies’,” he says with a tinge of regret in his voice.
Other related stories of girlfriends who stumble on caches of panties in their new boyfriends’ houses have been told. We have also been told of boyfriends who wear their girlfriends’ panties in the house, just for fun! Word on the street, too, has it that some women deliberately leave behind their knickers, while other crazy ones give them out as gifts to men who tickle their fancy. A female radio presenter also told us of a male friend claiming to be a die-hard fan, once begged for her panties in vain, to keep as a memorabilia. When asked for comment on why men are obsessed with panties, Jack Kaula, a self-confessed underwear connoisseur, laughs and goes on to give his two cents-worth of opinion.
“In the case of men who steal from their girlfriends, female underwear sort of reminds remind them of good times they had with the owner. When alone, they feel the fabric, sniff it and fantasise about the owner,” says the self-endorsed expert, with a sheepish grin all over his face.
The ‘expert’ says, seeing as panties are worn so close to a woman’s body, they retain the womanly natural scent that gives most men a kick. Hear him: “Panties always keep some pleasantly distinct womanly smell that lures and turns on most men.” Jack says besides the cookie jar, the mammary glands and the bum, the pantie is one of the most intimate items from a woman that every man would want a piece of. “When you own it, it’s like you own a small piece of her,” chuckles Jack.
The other men we spoke to said, some of their kind who have this fetish don’t care about the owner of the panties.
Power of the underwear
“Sometime, underwear is so irresistible, you don’t care who the owner is,” says James*. He goes on to regale this writer with a story of how a stranger he had picked at a night club forgot her panties at his house, which he is still hoarding to date. He says they both were drunk and during moments of reckless abandon while undressing before getting locked into throes of passion, her sparkling white undies ‘got lost’ only to be discovered beneath the bed, days later. “The panty was so sexy, I never returned it. She kept asking me several times if I ever got it, but I lied that I didn’t. Sometimes we just collect and keep these garments we don’t care who they belong to. We use them to satisfy our fantasies,” laughs James*.
Boys will always be boys and will remain crazy over panties. James* jokes that merely catching a glimpse of a hot woman’s undies as she climbs upstairs or clumsily gets into a car is enough to fuel an average man’s sexual imagination. “Panties are powerful. The mere sight of one worn is sufficient to fire up a man’s loins and awaken his fantasies,” says James*.
Where women sell their worn panties to men
When told about the off the wall incident, Martin Aringo, a cosmopolitan Kenyan, currently based in the US, was shocked that Kenyans had no clue about men’s fetish for panties. He tells us that abroad, particularly in the US, men’s fetish for undies is an open secret that hardly evokes shock. “Here (US) it’s a known secret that men fantasise a lot about female underwear and women and business people are making money out of it,” he says through a Facebook chat. “In America, there are women who sell their used undies to men with this fetish. In some places like New York, selling worn knickers is big business. In fact, there are vending machines through which companies sell worn panties together with other adult pleasures such as cigarettes, beer and the likes,” laughs Aringo.
So ladies, if you live in so-called plots, where you share community cloth lines and your panties keep getting lost, at least you now have a clue of their whereabouts. They could be safely in the custody of your crash or that naughty man who lusts after you.