Why chasing a "stress-free" life is making you more anxious

In the daily hustle of life, it’s easy to get caught up in the constant worry of having it all together. The endless chase for the so-called “soft life”. But with bills to pay, taxes piling up and rent always around the corner, that soft life can feel almost impossible to attain.

Add the pressures of social media, the picture-perfect snapshots, the curated lifestyles and the gap between our expectations and reality only widens. The years seem to rush by, responsibilities multiply and the dream of a soft life starts to fade. It becomes something we crave but never quite grasp, a distant vision, almost mythical, like a unicorn.

As life coach Peter Mwenda points out, this very chase, this constant striving, might be stealing today’s joy.

“Many people I talk to are so focused on building a perfect future that they don’t even notice the small, fulfilling moments in the present,” he says. “Ironically, they already have parts of the soft life they want. But they’re too busy chasing the big picture to see them.”

The “soft life” as sold to us through social media is all pastel sunsets, luxury brunches and serene mornings with artisanal coffee. What’s often hidden are the credit card bills, the quiet anxiety and the silent comparison game running in the background.

Mwenda notes that when we measure our lives against an ideal that’s been filtered, edited and staged, we invite constant dissatisfaction. “It’s not just about wanting comfort, it’s about believing that comfort is the only valid measure of success.” That belief, he warns, comes with a cost: restleness, financial strain and the quiet erosion of gratitude for what’s here now.

Ironically, in chasing a life of ease, we often create more stress. We work longer hours to fund lifestyles we can’t sustain. We push ourselves harder to appear like we’re not struggling. We trade genuine connection for curated appearances.

The problem isn’t in wanting a better life. It’s in defining “better” in such a narrow way that anything less feels like failure. Mwenda calls this “the soft life trap.” A pursuit that starts as inspiration but ends as a source of pressure.

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But what if “soft life” wasn’t just about luxury but about lightness? About days where you laugh so hard your stomach aches, or mornings where you wake without an alarm. About unhurried walks, meals with people you love, and moments of peace that don’t depend on your bank balance.

Real softeness is in the friendship that make you feel safe, the skills that give you freedom, and the boundaries that protect your mental space. Mwenda believes that when we stop chasing someone else’s version of “soft” and when we start appreciating the small daily wins, the myth dissolves into something real, attainable, and deeply personal.

We can still dream of comfort, but let’s stop letting the dream rob us of the comfort already available today. Take the coffee in your chipped mug and savor it.

Watch the sky change color without trying to capture it for likes. Enjoy the moment you’re in before running to the next one. Because maybe the true soft life isn’t something you chase. Maybe, as Mwenda says, “it’s something you notice.”