Ways parents can help children set New Year resolutions

While New Year resolutions are viewed as an adult practice, child psychology shows that children can benefit from setting them early on if it is done in a supportive way.

Goal-setting can start as early as when a child can talk and understand instructions. However, psychologist and counsellor Linah Ochieng' says that the nature of those goals must match the child’s cognitive development. Those below the age of three, she explains, grasp the world in concrete terms. At this stage, resolutions should be simple, practical, and not more than three that they can carry out.

The younger ones, she says, hardly set goals on their own because their lives revolve around daily routines.

“Their goals should focus on everyday behaviour, like clearing up toys. They are not expected to remember or manage goals independently; consistent parental support comes in handy,” she says.

As they grow older, after the age of 12, she says that they start to develop abstract thinking skills. It helps them to understand long-term goals such as self-improvement and responsibility.

“Parents can identify where growth is needed and work with the child to come up with the goals. The initiative should still feel like it comes from the child,” she says.

Large goals should always be broken down into child-friendly steps. This means using simple language, setting measurable actions, and focusing on what the child can realistically do.

Resolutions become harmful when there are too many, they are unclear, or they are burdensome. Goals should remain flexible and can change during the year once a child has mastered a skill. Parents should also watch for signs of burnout or perfectionism, which can arise when expectations are too high.

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As healthy goal-setting should never feel like punishment, she advises parents not to impose adult expectations. Parents can support children by reminding them of their intentions. For example, reminding a child that they planned to finish homework before watching television, devoid of shaming.

They can motivate them through words of praise, small rewards, or extra playtime. When children fail to meet a resolution, parents

“Not meeting a resolution is an opportunity to learn and grow. Making a child feel like they have failed can lead to low self-esteem, while a supportive response builds resilience,” she says.

When children see parents setting and working toward their own goals, they learn by example. She notes that younger children may not understand the concept of a full year, so weekly or monthly check-ins work better. Older children, who understand time more abstractly, can reflect on their progress annually.

Linah affirms that goal-setting teaches children lifelong skills such as planning, self-reflection, responsibility, and perseverance. She encourages parents to guide children to set resolutions that reflect values they hope to instil, such as kindness or persistence. In this way, goal-setting is a lifelong skill that helps children understand their values and strengths.

“When children live by goals they helped create, they gain confidence and motivation,” she says.