Teaching kids to choose the right company early

Childhood friendships are more than just playdates and laughter. They are the quiet spaces where character is shaped, values are absorbed, and a child’s sense of belonging begins to form. The company a child keeps can become either a source of growth or a subtle path to trouble. For parents, this makes one lesson especially important: teaching children how to choose the right company early.

In exploring this topic, I spoke with Evelyn Kanario, a mother who has had her fair share of lessons when it comes to her son’s friendships, and Mwangi Alice, a counselling psychologist who shared insight into why early guidance matters so much.

When Evelyn’s eight-year-old son began coming home with a new attitude, she sensed something had changed. “He started sounding different,” she recalls. “A little ruder, a little dismissive. I could tell something was not quite right.”

Like many parents, she believed in letting her child learn through experience, but the change made her pause. She began to wonder what kind of friends he was spending time with and what influence they might be having on him.

It is a concern shared by many families today. The influences children pick up from their peers often shape how they think, act and even view themselves. According to psychologist Mwangi Alice, the impact begins much earlier than most people realise.

“Friends have a big influence on how children think, act and grow,” Alice explains. “Teaching them early helps them understand what healthy friendships look like: kindness, respect and support, before they get caught up with the wrong crowd.”

From a psychological perspective, she says a child’s company can deeply shape their sense of identity. Children often copy what their friends do and say. Their group can influence their self-esteem, habits and even values. Good company helps them grow positively, while bad company can lead to poor choices or low confidence.

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Peer influence, she adds, is one of the strongest forces in a child’s development. “Children naturally imitate the people they spend time with. Positive friendships can build confidence, empathy and resilience, while negative ones can encourage risky behaviour or defiance. Their social circle can either reinforce or challenge what they learn at home.”

For Evelyn, those changes in her son’s behaviour became small but clear signals. “He started being more secretive,” she says. “Before, he would tell me everything about his day. Then suddenly, it was all ‘nothing much, Mum’. I knew something had shifted.”

Alice notes that such changes can be the first signs of unhealthy influence. Parents, she says, should watch for sudden changes in mood, attitude or values. A child may become more defensive or distant. You might also notice a drop in school performance, loss of interest in hobbies or new behaviours that do not align with their usual personality.

Addressing the issue, however, requires tact. “Ask open questions like, ‘How do your friends treat you when you are upset?’ or ‘What do you like about spending time with them?’” Alice suggests. “Listen more than you speak. When children feel heard, they are more likely to open up and reflect honestly about their friendships.”

She also encourages parents to model positive relationships themselves. “Children learn most by observation,” she says. “Model kindness and respect in your own relationships. Discuss real life examples of friendship and help them notice how they feel around others, whether they feel valued or pressured. That kind of self-awareness becomes the foundation of discernment.”

And if a child is already influenced by the wrong crowd, Alice advises patience and emotional connection. She explains that reacting with anger or judgement often pushes the child closer to the group. Instead, parents should stay emotionally connected, help the child reflect on how those friendships make them feel, and set firm but fair boundaries. Creating opportunities for them to form new positive friendships can make a big difference.

Friendships are a defining part of growing up. They shape how children see themselves and the world around them. As Alice Mwangi puts it, “Teaching them to choose wisely is not about control. It is about helping them recognise their own worth and surround themselves with people who reflect it.”