Dear men, this is what ladies expect from you in the bedroom this year : Evewoman - The Standard

Between The Sheets

Dude, make me come in 2018

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If you asked Rina Moraa, she would out rightly tell you that  an orgasm is a myth.

The 28-year-old believes that while lungula elicits pleasure, there is no peaking for a woman.

“There is sweet sensation no doubt. That is all. There is nothing of higher value,” she argues.

The last time Moraa hit the sack with her partner, then her third catch, was two years ago when “unsatisfactory sex led to the breakup in my first relationship. I was hoping that things would change with my next relationship,” she explains, adding that her third muscular flame offered   hope as here was “finally a man with the body to get me to the apex, or so I thought.”  

But eight months down the line, the man was just as ‘bad,’ as Moraa searched for the elusive Big O that every woman yearns for.

“I told myself that there was no point chasing after an orgasm. There may be pleasant sensation, but something tells me they don’t amount to an orgasm,” she reasons, adding that she’s “done trying. I don’t want to be the woman who changes men like clothes but never gets satisfied.”

A recent study shows that Moraa’s predicament is common among women. A poll published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy and involving 1,000 women aged between 18 and 94 in the USA, found that only 18 per cent of those polled achieved an orgasm via  penetration alone.

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A vast majority (75 per cent, equivalent to four in every five women) said clitoral stimulation was either necessary for them to hit the peak or helped the orgasm feel better.

Lilian, a mother of two, told The Nairobian that men are very selfish when it comes to lungula as they “tend to focus on their own pleasure and not their partners’. The woman is always being left high and dry.”

Dr Joachim Osur, a medical doctor and a certified sexologist, believes    the numbers from the American study don’t apply to Kenya. Between 60 and 70 per cent of Kenyan women achieve orgasm,” he says. But his assertions are based on anecdotal evidence.

Dr Osur adds that Kenyan men ‘explode’ faster than their women partners and “most Kenyan men don’t even know that there is such a thing as foreplay.”  

However, according to female hygiene specialist, Valentine Nyakiere, sex in African culture is mainly for procreation and “as girls grow up, they are taught about child birth and pleasuring their husbands. Our women still have that mentality that sex is for making babies and pleasing men.”   As a result, Nyakiere says, Kenyan women have missed the full sexual experience and possibly mistake sensation for orgasm. “Some women don’t even know what an orgasm is, yet an actual orgasm, places a woman at a state where she has no control over her body,” she says. She explains that, “It is a state of intense pleasure that progresses involuntarily to conclusion: it can’t be stopped.”

If Nyakiere’s assertions are true, then Moraa believes she has never achieved an orgasm.

“I wish I could get there. The truth is however that I have never gotten there. It haunts me that I don’t know how an orgasm feels like,” Moraa says. Unlike women, Dr Osur says, men nearly always orgasm. In men, orgasm often coincides with ejaculation. However, an ejaculation, he explains, does not necessarily mean an orgasm.

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