How to run a communication audit on your relationship

What exactly is a communication audit? This is a structured process where you observe and evaluate patterns, frequency, and the type of information exchange between you and others.

Far from assigning blame or failing to take accountability in a relationship setting, for instance, this functions as a collaborative effort into the mechanics of how a couple speaks to each other, listens and interprets what each one is saying.

When a relationship is characterised by recurring arguments, usually the underlying issues are hidden under the emotional intensity of the delivery.

When an audit is carried out, it allows parties to step back and examine how each is contributing to the communication breakdown. Doing so requires a commitment to radical transparency and a non-adversarial approach.

Start by identifying specific instances where communication is breaking down without immediate retaliation. Take note of the time when difficult conversations happen, the non-verbal cues and the triggers that shift a dialogue into a confrontation.

For this audit to be successful, it must be approached from a genuine place rather than from a place of wanting to be right. You must be willing to acknowledge your own contributions to the poor communication, focusing on “I” statements and identifying the specific needs that remain unmet during those exchanges.

Research shows that the presence of conflict is not what leads to the demise of a relationship but rather the way in which that conflict is managed.

A communication audit allows couples or family members to identify criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling before these behaviours become calcified.

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Failure to perform such an audit after experiencing repeated cycles of broken communication can lead to the end of relationships due to emotional detachment. This happens when you or your loved one stops attempting to share their real selves to avoid the inevitable pain of being misunderstood.

What you don’t realise, however, is that the resulting silence is actually more destructive than the arguments themselves because they lead to a permanent state of loneliness within the relationship or family setting.

Ultimately, the deliberate act of auditing how you talk to each other will cement a deeper connection built on the foundation of clarity rather than on assumptions.