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I really miss him and think I might love him, but I know if I go back to him I will have no support from my family
Dear Coleen
My ex-boyfriend is nine years older than me and of a different religious and cultural background. I kept our relationship a secret when we were together, but when we broke up I came clean to friends and family. No one was happy.
I really miss him and think I might love him, but I know if I go back to him I will have no support from my family. He also has a child with his ex-partner, which complicates things. Do I follow my head and steer clear in line with family wishes or follow my heart and maybe be happy long term?
Coleen says
You haven’t said why you split up or whether he would want to get back together with you. I think you have to ask yourself if anything that made you split up has changed or are you just missing him – which is natural.
If nothing has changed, then all the things that bugged you before will still bug you. So you have to look at reasons why he’s an ex.
As far as your family not approving goes, we all want our family to like who we choose as a life partner, but that’s not always the case. Only you can decide whether love is enough and if you’re happy to accept that your family isn’t supportive. Hopefully, in time that would change.
If you did get back together with your ex, though, you can’t use your family as a weapon every time you argue and make him feel bad for your family disowning you, for example. I’m not saying it can’t work, but if you’re going to do it, do it slowly and talk about how you could navigate the challenges – his ex and his child, as well as your family situation.
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