Men only: Laura’s journey into fitness, exercise goals that left me flabbergasted

I was having lunch with an old friend this past Thursday.

I had not seen her (let’s call her Laura) in over three years and I remember her as one of those really slim people.

But in the interim, she had had a child -- who is now like a year old -- and her body had ballooned.

From 48 to 60 kilos, I later found out in the course of our conversation.

That is like adding quarter your body to yourself; do the Math.

For example, I am 72 kilos. If I added weight the way Laura has, I would be 90 kgs.

Anyway, I ordered pork -- who doesn’t just love pork, except those guys in Leviticus?

She asked for a salad and a bottle of mineral water.

“Laurabbit!” I exclaimed. She got the joke, and told me not to be a funny bunny.

“I don’t take starch, or touch steak,’’ she announced solemnly.

“Why ever not?” I asked.

And now since I have a deadline to beat (my editor is not amused), I will move from the exciting reported speech. And shift to a faster story telling format.

This is what happened.

Laura, with a new baby last year, gained quarter her own body weight. She was wearing corsettes and tummy trimmers to disguise all her hanging bits, not to mention the new wardrobe.

Eventually, in December, she decided she had to shed off some body weight before she added another quarter and passed away from cardiac arrest (heart attack).

She tried dieting, but her hungry new body demanded food, foood, FOOD!

So she decided to go jogging (she lives along Mombasa road) and although it was more of a stroll, the walking made her feel better, even if the fats stayed out.

It was while walking near Vision Plaza that she saw a vision in the heavens, or rather on the side of the building.

There was a muscle, health and fitness centre there, and so she went in, and found an “Angelic” lady called Lucy.

“I want health, I want fitness,” Laura gasped to Lucy. “I may not want muscle, but I certainly want to lose baby fats ...”

This was on the Wednesday of January 2, 2019.

Laura was so full of psyche she signed up for the lunchtime Body Toning class on the spot.

It felt good, until she cramped up after two hours of body toning.

The following day, Laura was in for the two hour insanity workout at the gym.

This time, she went home and threw up after the session.

Friday she came in at lunch for something called a Power Circuit that shock circuited her system so severely, she spent Saturday the 5th in bed, all morning, like a drunk with a killer hangover.

Then because her instructor Abdi had said to her that the first rule of fitness is Never Skip a Monday, Laura was there Monday at lunch time for another insane two hour work out; and pushed herself to come in Tuesday evening for the Zumba fitness class.

Then she dropped out for the remainder of the week.

On Saturday the 12th, Lucy called her, encouraged her to ‘keep at it till she’s fit,’ before Abdi took the phone and advised Laura to alternate her workout, like @metropark, instead of trying to operate the monotony of an exercise metronome.

What that meant was that, all of last week, Laura has done her Monday, Wednesday and Friday classes, taking the weekend off.

She did not skip last Monday, and on the ‘break’ Thursday I meet her over ‘lunch’’ (if you can call the banana, pineapple and melon menagerie she was chewing with a chopstick, food) Laura had done the body toning class the day before.

I wish her well in her exercise goals, and ask if there is any searing insights she has gained in her weeks in the gym.

She pauses to think for a minute, then says: ‘The women who go to the gym are the focused ones, the ones determined to do something about their body goals.

The ones who go jioni are not all jokers, but some are there to keep fit but still want it to be fun. There are many of those whom I expect to drop out by the end of January, lol.’

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