Seven lessons women can learn from Maribe

It is safe to say since two Saturdays ago, the story that has dominated social (media) conversation is that of Jacque Maribe, Jowie Irungu and the late Monica Kimani.

Why not? We have a beautiful flashy lassie, dead in a bathtub. Accused of the homicide is a hot and shadowy young man (with a shade of beard and shoulder of blood). And charged alongside, a high-flying television anchor, who actually announced the murder live on lunchtime news.

‘Men Only’ sees seven things, A to G, we can glean.

‘Allo Allo’

That isn’t just an old TV programme, it is a wake-up call to everyone. Nothing in life is permanent. One year, you are all over the country in a campaign chopper, hobnobbing with the High and Mighty, the next year you are in a prison cell, chopping potatoes you’ll chew for supper, downed with cold ‘Weevilbix’ porridge. Circumstances in life can change, so always keep a sense of humility and perspective about you. ‘Everything can change in a second,’ says Roy in The God of Small Things.

 Boyfriend

Know this, all women out there, no serious man is in a great hurry to engage you within three months, and marry you before the year is out. No way, Jose! It is just not in our nature, and most men need nudging in that direction.

So if you get this guy who seems in a huge hurry to rush through the courtship process, have your antennae up, especially if you don’t know exactly what he does, and your mother has a ‘funny ka-feeling’ about the fellow.

Career

‘You are not your work,’ is the common ‘wisdom’ you hear dished out on the streets. But the truth is your career, or craft, is all you have, other than your children (and car, for some automobile nut cases).

At the very least, it puts bread on the table. At the very best, you consider it a calling, vocation, Holy Work of your hands. Protect it with some seriousness. If it is high profile, don’t let jowie-riders take you for a ride, by being beneficiaries by association.

Death and the Dick (detective)

If you’ve read/watched crime shows/ novels, you know detectives are referred to as ‘Dicks.’ Now, shortly after a murder is discovered, the Dicks will come calling. If the person you are married to/living with is in any way involved in the demise of another human being, you must start seeing them with macho ingine (another eye), even if you think they are the only ticket to your seventh heaven ‘happy times.’ A chap who can kill another human being is a knife away from slitting your own throat from ear to ear. And the only sex you’ll get in jail is a diddling from ‘Josie the Jan’g.’

Every woman for herself

That’s the saying — God for Us All, every man for himself, and the Devil take the hindmost (last). No woman, in the name of loyalty to her man, should sink with the fellow (especially if it is ‘kri-mi-no!’). I was asking my pal Fundi Frank why men don’t go down with women in the name of being ‘pussy-whipped.’ FF told me it is because we (men) are built to ‘ruka stori futi kumi’ when the s*** hits the fan. You will go to Langata Prison, come out in ten years, and find him with another wife, and fresh kids now in Standard Five, Three and One respectively. Kwa mlango atasema: Who the hell r u?

Fathers

Many people were very moved by the pre-hearing footage showing Mr Maribe embracing for a long time with Jackie, and made the video go viral. I wasn’t. That’s what Dads are there for. If Chelsea was ever in court like that, I’d hug her too like her life depended on it (except I’d first kill her for associating with psychopath mercenary from Afghanistan).

Girlfriends

In contrast, Kenyans have been asking where all the journalist’s ‘Ride or Die’ friends are. The ones they pose with in pictures, all in white, atop fancy cars, and splendid stuff like that. Let’s not act like we six-year-olds here. Prison is not a picnic, ama fashion show. Unataka wa-come hapo kwa korti ‘chafu’ kufanya nini? (What do you want them for in a ‘dusty’ courtroom)?