x Eve Woman Wellness Readers Lounge Leisure and Travel My Man Bridal Health Relationships Parenting About Us Digital News Videos Opinions Cartoons Education E-Paper Lifestyle & Entertainment Nairobian Entertainment Eve Woman Travelog TV Stations KTN Home KTN News BTV KTN Farmers TV Radio Stations Radio Maisha Spice FM Vybez Radio Enterprise BULK SMS E-Learning Digger Classified The Standard Group Corporate Contact Us Rate Card Vacancies DCX O.M Portal Corporate Email RMS
Login ×

#Confessions: I'm torn between my reliable boyfriend and my older, sexy work lover

Lady Speak - By Mirror
My boyfriend is a great guy – stable, sensible, steady, and caring – but I’ve felt more and more that something is missing (Shutterstock)


I’m a 30-year-old woman and have been in an on/off relationship with my boyfriend for five years.

He’s a great guy – stable, sensible, steady, and caring – but I’ve felt more and more that something is missing from the relationship, hence the break-ups and make-ups.

Although I love him and care about him, he doesn’t excite me, and our relationship can feel dull a lot of the time.

At the end of last year I started to get close to a colleague (I know it’s a cliché) and he’s the polar opposite – exciting, sexy, passionate, spontaneous – and I’ve really fallen for him.

Since lockdown has eased, we’ve seen each other a lot and the sex is fantastic.

He comes with baggage, though – he’s 10 years older and is divorced with two young kids.

  2. 1. Eight texts to send after an amazing first date
  3. 2. 'The Voice' costars Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani are engaged
  4. 3. Seven tips on how to deal with an emotionally unstable partner
  5. 4. How to tell your partner you need alone time

My boyfriend and I decided to take a break from each other to think about our relationship, but I don’t know what to do. I have missed him and I know he’s right on paper, but the prospect of going back into that relationship doesn’t thrill me at all.

My colleague, on the other hand, provides lots of passion and excitement, but I don’t know if he’s a long-term prospect. The reason his marriage ended was down to him cheating with another woman.

I’m kind of living in the moment and enjoying it, but can’t help this nagging fear about a future with a guy who seems to have commitment issues.


Well, the fact that your relationship with your boyfriend has been on/off for so long doesn’t bode well for longevity either.

If you haven’t been able to work on your issues over the past five years, then what’s going to be different this time?

What I would say is, it takes two people to make things exciting and fun, and all those other things you’re craving, but I wonder if you’ve taken the initiative or if you expect him to work miracles on his own.

You shouldn’t be with someone because they’re the safe option – steady and reliable – because you’ll always be looking for that thrill.

Maybe you really want to give things a proper chance with your colleague, but a fear of the unknown is holding you back.

The truth is, none of us knows how a relationship will go when we embark on it, so it’s always a risk.

The ideal is to be with someone who you feel passionate about and who is also reliable.

Trust and honesty are key, so maybe you need to be upfront with this new man about what you’re looking for in a relationship and see how he reacts. Maybe he’s at a point in his life where he’s ready for more commitment.

What you need to keep in mind is that all relationships are thrilling at the start, but is there enough to sustain it long-term?

The only way to find out is to try it and see how things develop.


Stay Ahead!

Access premium content only available
to our subscribers.

Support independent journalism
Log in
Support independent journalism
Create an account    Forgot Password
Create An Account
Support independent journalism
I have an account Log in
Reset Password
Support independent journalism
Log in