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How to resolve arguments amicably

Relationships By Vivianne Wandera
It's perfectly healthy for couples to argue (Photo by Alex Holyoake on Unsplash)

In relationships, arguments can hardly be avoided. But how can couples argue without raising their voices and without throwing words at each other? How can solutions to problems be found without things being broken and windows being smashed.

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An argument is described as giving reasons or citing evidence to support a claim. This can be done with the aim of trying to persuade the other party to reason from your point of view.

Instead of hurting each other during arguments, couples can find ways to amicably find a solution to their problems and this can only be achieved when certain things are put into place and into consideration during and before the arguments.

Avoiding the use of bad language, character assassination, not knowing when to back down are some of the few things one can put into consideration during and arguments that will help them find a solution without being loud and violent.

Below are a few tips can help couples understand how to argue amicably.

1. Know when to back down

Backing down during an argument is not a sign of weakness and does not in any way mean that the other person has won. This just means that you value your relationship and your partner and you want to find a solution amicably without raising your voices at each other.

2. Focus on the real reason

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In relationships, arguments cannot be avoided. When you find yourself caught in an argument, try your best to focus on the real reason that led to the argument rather than diverting the misunderstanding to other issues that are just sideshows. Keep in mind that this is not a competition on who will win the argument using what weapon and words. Several studies have shown that arguments are healthy for relationships as they tend to bring people closer after a solution is reached but can also break a relationship if taken to the extreme.

3. Be a good listener

When your partner is making their point, do not interrupt him/her. Listen carefully and understand what they are saying. Try your best to get where they are coming from and see where they got hurt or felt offended. You do not always have to talk back at them. Be passionate during this time as they are emotional and vulnerable. Avoid any type of character assassination during the argument as this will only make things worse.

A difference of opinion doesn't warrant being nasty to each other (Photo by Alysa Bajenaru on Unsplash)

4. Put love above everything else

When in an argument, keep in mind you are arguing with the love of your life. Start your arguments with telling them that you love them and follow it up with the fact that you do not necessarily agree with their opinion or with the actions that led to the argument. No matter how personal the argument gets, do not allow yourself to come off as a mean and non-caring partner as this might send the wrong message at the wrong time since emotions are high during an argument.

5. Stick to the issue at hand

When you get into an argument with your partner, avoid bringing up past issues that are long overdue. This will only fuel the fire and worsen the argument instead of solving it. Make sure you only discuss the matter at hand and when you resolve it, put it to rest completely and never bring it up again in case of another argument.

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6. Understand your partner

Make every effort to understand the opinion your partner is trying to put across during the argument. Try to put yourself in his or her shoes and think of what it will feel like when the same thing is done to you. Do not jump to conclusions. When and if you do not understand something, ask them to explain it to you.

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