The global football phenomenon is upon us and will be upon us for the next couple of weeks. I have heard it said that this season is not the time for women – although I think the ‘warnings’ are really applied across the genders – to ask for or expect any attention, affection or anything really that is not in the shape of a football.
As if this is not enough, this is evidently the season where all remote control devices to all TVs in the home belong to the football lover in the house. Today’s article is for partners of football lovers – those who have been abandoned for the love of a spherical item that will be chased and watched by no less than two dozen grown men, in addition to millions of people worldwide.
Football widows and widowers, this week’s edition of Sexual Healing is dedicated to you. You’re welcome.
Yes, you read that right. Fighting against the impact of football on your partner and your household would be fighting a losing battle. Even if you did win, you would be winning the battle but losing the war. By accepting, you get to be gracious and supportive to your partner in their time of need, because some of your partners are more invested in the success of their teams than their own health! As a bonus, this may come in handy when you will be the one in need, and in need of a friend in deed.
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This would be a good time to negotiate for some of what you want e.g. all that snuggling, foreplay, quality time and quality sex that you have been pushing and pulling for or that girls’/guys’ trip that you’ve been wanting to take for a while now.
This might be a great time to ask for it and negotiate for it. You might offer to host a game in exchange for something that you deem to be of equal or greater value to you and/or your partner. Remember, give a little, get a little and you both could end up with a lot!
Keep it fun
Yes you can accept and yes you can certainly negotiate but do it in good faith and with a sense of fun and humour. Some of you are bored in your relationships while some of you don’t even remember the last time you smiled or laughed, which is probably true for your partner too.
Why not use this season as an opportunity to bring back some lightness and friendship into the relationship? Keep it light, friendly and fun. If your partner asks for something you’re not sure about giving, revisit #2 above and negotiate; discuss, collaborate and agree.
Timing is everything. I repeat:
TIMING IS EVERYTHING. Part of smart negotiating is knowing when to ask for what you want. Please, ladies and gentlemen, do not wait until the players are on the field to bring up an important topic of discussion or negotiation. Besides, any success will be called into question at a later date. The moment to step into the room in sexy lingerie or to begin an overt seduction may not be in the middle of a disputed referee call. Choose your timing wisely.
Turn lemons into lemonade. This World Cup season might be a great time for you to do some of the things that you’ve been meaning to do, in and out of the bedroom. You could work on some of the projects that you have been putting off e.g. writing your book, cleaning out closets, visiting friends, etc.
In the bedroom, you could turn their losses and wins into your wins e.g. cheer for their team and celebrate or console them later, or choose the opposing team so that no matter the outcome, you’ll both have a reason to celebrate or console one another. See how those lemons quickly tuned into lemonade? Make it and enjoy it.
Hide the remote
I laugh as I type this because I can see how this cheeky little trick can be funny for a non-football lover but to a football lover? It is an absolute no-no. Don’t do it, no matter how funny you think it will be.
Gloat. A team’s loss is a non-issue for a non-football lover but a painful experience to a football lover. If your partner’s team loses, don’t gloat. Aside from it being a little insensitive, it goes against your interests (see #5 above).
Don’t panic. Relax. Unlike all those endless leagues and games that run throughout the year, the World Cup only lasts a couple of weeks and comes around every four years. Keep that in perspective and know it shall soon be over.
It’s great that you “don’t care about World Cup” but please resist the urge to keep telling all and sundry about it. This is the season for those who do so let them enjoy it as you join them or do something that you enjoy. In sport, as in life, negative talk is a downer and no one enjoys being around it.
I hope these tips help all football lovers and their neglected partners to weather the storms of a game that has the power to unite (or divide) the world regardless of what else is going on. I also hope that these tips put a smile on your face and some pep in your step.
Remember; everything in moderation makes for a happier football-loving/football-hating season. Happy World Cup season to all the lovers and haters of the game.