The far reaching implications of nasty and memorable heartbreaks

We all have at least experienced a heartbreak or two. Or three. Or many! However, there is always a memorable one that we all live to remember. A lot has been said about this memorable nasty heartbreak, especially its far-reaching implications and all.

There are people, for instance, who never move on after this nasty heartbreak; they nag their exes for decades to take them back. Others try to move on, but remain affected with it forever.

A case in point is an aunt to this writer who has remained a single mother of one after the man who had sired with her the child and promised to marry her ended up settling down with another woman. The woman, now in her 50s and based in her rural home, was so heartbroken that she has never dated or engaged in a serious relationship with any other man to date, or so it is believed.

She tried to have the man marry her even as second wife, but the other woman was controlling and domineering to her husband and thwarted her efforts, she gave up.

We also have men who claim their worst heartbreaks made them very strong personality-wise and has helped them easily navigate courtship and know how to handle women. "I have learnt to remain 50/50 in relationships. I never give a hundred percent no matter what. Even if my wife left today, I wouldn't feel it that much. The horrible heartbreak I had just after campus hardened me," says Philip, who was heartbroken after investing so much, both financially and emotionally, in his campus sweetheart who got married to their mutual friend.

We've all heard of the saying "living your life to the fullest is the best revenge". Most women who suffer a fallout with a man take these wise words to heart by orchestrating their lives to show a semblance of happiness so that the ex can get that wistful feeling when he sees what a "wonderful" time she is having without him. A few go the extra mile by pulling a 'Vera Sidika' and giving themselves a total makeover to look hotter: "I am looking fabulous! Eat your heart out dumbass!" Others will try to get over the ex the old fashioned way; getting under a new hotter man!

The aforementioned are relatively healthy and smart ways to get over a heartbreak. Other women take an entirely different route altogether by exacting cold, hard revenge.

In a painful story, a certain Betty* dealt with the pain of being wronged by her fiancé by getting back at him in the worst imaginable way: She dumped him at the altar. Betty and her fiancé were devout Christians who had vowed to live a chaste and virtuous life, until they were joined together in holy matrimony. Unfortunately, her fiancé, who was a church youth leader, turned her life upside down when he forced himself on her.

She had decided to spend the night at her fiancé's house a while back after a heavy downpour when during the night he started groping her and when she protested, he pinned her down and raped her. Another woman would have probably broken up with him and called off the wedding after that horrible, painful experience, but Betty resolved to get even. Her fiancé was very apologetic about the whole incident and Betty pretended to accept his apologies, but deep down she was seething with anger and plotting the mother of all revenges. She went ahead with the pre-wedding and wedding arrangements, as if nothing had happened.

When her wedding day finally arrived, Betty got her sweet revenge. Whoever coined the phrase, 'Revenge is a dish best served cold' must have had Betty in mind. When the time came to exchange vows, instead of saying, "I do", Betty gave her fiancé a resounding "No, I don't!" in front of his family and friends! It was, however, a scandal that she lives to regret because she suspects it's responsible for the bad luck stalking her five years on.

"I have lost two suitors in the most painful way since then: One died in a road crash on the Friday prior to our wedding while the other committed suicide after our engagement bash," she confided. She now feels haunted and has chosen to live a lonely life.

Another woman, Julie, decided to get over the betrayal by her lover through a coldhearted, devious way. "I met Harry during a night out and we dated for three months. He was good looking, caring and loving and I thought I had met the man of my dreams," she says.

One day Julie found suspicious texts on her man's phone from another woman and she confronted him about it. He confessed that the woman was his wife who was six months pregnant!

"What this meant was that I was the other woman! I was shocked and felt so hurt and betrayed. He told me that he loved me and wasn't happy in his marriage and pleaded with me to stay with him as he 'figured things out'," she says, adding that she agreed but deep down she vowed to painfully avenge for lying to her.

'I did a little digging and found his wife on social media and got her email address. I then initiated some sexting with him and got him to get really nasty. I took screenshots of the texts and emailed them to his wife and then blocked him on my phone," says Julie. When a woman has gone to extremities to show a man her love and he turns around and breaks her heart, the love turns into toxic hate and along with the rage and the pain comes the burning desire to exact retribution. Tales have, for instance, been told of lovers who kill their exes after being dumped.

Pretty much every woman who has ever been wronged by the man she loved has had fleeting thoughts of getting even. But is it really worth it? The satisfaction of revenge is temporary but the turmoil you create to achieve it is permanent. Dumping her fiancé at the altar, for example, only gave Betty momentary gratification. She had to run way from her town and start life afresh somewhere else and has since suffered a great deal of loss and misfortunes which she attributes to her decision to take revenge on her fiancé. No matter how good of an idea it seems at the time, or how satisfying it feels in the direct aftermath, getting revenge on an ex will always come back to bite you in the butt. You will always be the crazy, immature woman who broke her ex's car windows and other men will be wary of you.

In addition to this, you may find that consequences of your actions have become higher than you intend. Maybe those false rumours you spread or the public scene you made, even if he deserved the humiliation, brings about irreversible damage. You'd live to regret it. It's advisable to deal with rejection in a healthy way. His misery won't do much to soothe your pain. If you concentrate all your energies on hate instead of healing, you're going to become that angry, bitter woman nobody likes.

According to Chris Hart, a renowned relationship expert, getting over a relationship is such an uphill task because it's always part of an individual's identity. "It's much harder to get over an ex if you're always seeing their face online. It's thus advisable to un-follow their social media accounts and stop checking up on them," he says, adding that individuals must acknowledge the loss and stop living in denial because that can also worsen the situation. The psychologist advises heartbroken lovers to engage in activities that will distract them from thinking about exes like reading novels, blogs and newspaper articles about heartbreak. "You can choose to start patronizing different restaurants, coffee shop. Change the furniture around. Try a new hair style. Start a new side project. Hang out with some new people. Make this new phase of your life as different from the last one as you can", he says.

Hart concludes by saying: "Before you know it, you'll realise you're in the middle of a whole new life. And a far better one".