He claims to love me and that he's tired of his wife who is my 'friend'

I am 34 and currently dating a married man who says he really loves me and that he is tired of his wife. He says she spends all her time and efforts in church to which she seems even more committed than her family. The wife is my friend and she has unending financial problems. She literally lives in debt, owes everyone money and even though she works, her salary seems to go into paying loans for which he has no knowledge of. He is really not happy and he actually wants to divorce her. Now he is insisting on meeting my parents to start dowry discussions but I am confused. I don’t know what to do because I think I am interfering with his family but I also want what is best for him and I am in love with him. Please advise me. {Molly}

Your Take:

You really want a guy to leave his wife and children to marry you? You are bringing drama upon your life and this will destroy him, his wife and will devastate the children all for your selfish interests. You are just as much to blame as he is for all this so stop pretending to be the innocent one here.

{Juliette Mwangi}

Even if he seems to have many problems in his marriage the solution to these problems is not leaving. All marriages have their own problems so just leave him to sort out his. Think of what the divorce will do to the children and his wife. Do you want to be responsible for that?

{Ann Mwanzia}

Meeting your parents clearly shows he is serious. Give him any support you may have. Yes, you may be interfering with her family but then an unfed dog will always search for a bone in the neighborhood. One caution you may take is that it may not be very smooth with your friend as she will blame you for all her troubles and cause many problems for you.

{Ouma Ragumo}

That man you claim to love is probably seeing greener grass on your. Be informed that this is only temporary. They will sort out their differences soon so do not think that he will ever leave her for you. Also what makes you think he will not do the same to you? Find your own man and not someone else’s husband.

{Dennish}

The better thing to do is to help her sort out her financial problems rather than ruin her marriage. She will definitely not forgive you and it may even be fatal. Say no to the man and tell him that people make marriages into what they want them to be and he can make his.

{Tasma Saka}

Counselor’s Take:

When you have been doing this for as long as I have, you learn to read in between the lines and to pick up things, feelings and thoughts in peoples statements. This is because people usually say much more than they actually speak out and in your explanation I picked up several things.

One, as you rightfully put it is that you are really in love with this man. Two, you have taken your time to dig out any available information about his wife as you can – which is only natural and that most of what you have found out is the negative stuff.

Three, you know that you are indeed interfering with his marriage and that you are betraying this woman by going behind her back and having an affair with her husband and four, you seem to have bought into his rhetoric that he is really not happy with her, or is he?

The most popular method that men use initiate and maintain extra marital affairs is to imply that they are not happy in their marriage and they will share all the reasons why - real or imagined. The other interesting rhetoric is that they are tired and just about to leave their wives in search of happiness in their new relationships, but they never really do. Why, because they do not intend to. This is usually a convenient path that keeps their girlfriends hanging onto an imaginary rope this is exactly where you are.

You also need to understand the implications and outcomes of the path that you are on. If this goes through, you will be labelled a husband snatcher, become an outcast in your society because no woman will want anything to do with you lest you steal their husband as well and you will have to work very hard to fit in her shoes and become better than her.

 This is a tough feat you are courting but then again, I am not sure he is genuinely interested in pursuing it. Why don’t you set up a meeting between him and your parents? It must not be a dowry negotiation meeting; he could as well get to know them first. This will help you assess his ingenuity and give you clear indications on how to proceed. Lastly, drop the notion that you are doing this because it is what is good for him rather you are pursuing it because it is what is good for you. {Taurus}