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Dear Coleen
I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for six years and she was – still is - the love of my life. We’ve been through so much together.
But just a few days back, she told me she’d hooked up with another guy when she was on holiday over Christmas. The thought of her doing things with the other bloke is tearing me apart and I honestly don’t know what to do.
On the one hand, I want to forgive her and move on because I believe she’s the perfect person for me and she thinks that as well and says she regrets what she did.
On the other hand, the thought of someone else just touching her, let alone doing anything else, is splitting my head. I haven’t slept or eaten properly in two days. Please help.
Coleen says
I’m sure she is very sorry but she (and you) can’t just expect to carry on as if nothing’s happened. She’s rocked the boat massively and it’s not something you can just forgive and forget easily. It takes time.
Naturally, you feel hurt, jealous and angry – those are all understandable emotions given what’s happened.
You have to give yourself time to work out whether you can carry on and rebuild your relationship or whether you’ll never be able to trust her again.
But wait for the initial hurt to die down – it’s too easy to make snap decisions when emotions are running high.
You could say to her that you’re willing to give things another go but you can’t promise anything because, at this point, you don’t know whether you’ll be able to move on from what happened and trust her again.
When you’re the guilty party, you don’t want to keep taking about what happened but she’ll have to if there’s any hope of moving past it.
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