I slept with my friend’s boyfriend and I think the baby i am carrying may be his

What happens if the baby arrives and he or she really looks like him and it’s obvious he’s the dad?

Dear Coleen

I slept with my friend’s boyfriend and they have a baby together. Now it might be possible that I’m pregnant with his child. How do I handle the fact that the baby is his? What happens if the baby arrives and he or she really looks like him and it’s obvious he’s the dad?

Please help. So far we are the only ones who know what’s going on.

Coleen says

First things first. You say you ‘might’ be pregnant with his child. Does that mean you might be pregnant, but you don’t know for sure – or do you mean that he might be the dad, but it’s just as likely to be someone else?

If it’s the former, do a home pregnancy test and see your GP to have the pregnancy confirmed and dated, which might help you to work out who the father is.

If you’re sure it’s your friend’s boyfriend’s baby, I think you have to own up to it – otherwise what do you plan to do? Are you happy to hide it from the child and watch him or her grow up living right next door to their father? What are you going to say if the child asks about their dad?

It’s an absolute mess and I feel very sorry for the other woman. It seems like you two are still trying to protect yourselves when you should be thinking about your child’s future.

It’s tough to live with a secret like that, and you shouldn’t let your child grow up with a lie.

I’ve had many letters from women who had a baby as the result of an affair, but passed the child off as their husband’s and bitterly regret not being honest at the time. Twenty years down the line, they feel they owe it to their child to tell the truth, but don’t know how to because they’ve lied for so many years.

However hard it is, come clean now and deal with it.

It’ll be a whole lot harder to do when your child is an adult.