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The adolescent years are a time of extremes — some of your child’s greatest memories as well as difficulties will occur between the ages of 13 and 18. This is a time of intense change - physical and emotional as well as social.
There are four main areas parental involvement can ease the child’s transition through this phase and help her navigate adolescent culture with more success.
Have clear expectations: Teens need to know what is expected of them - at school as well as at home. Guidelines, limit setting, and clear, fair rules go a long way in letting your child know how far to go, what she can get away with, what behaviors are appropriate, and when to go along with something even if they don’t particularly want to.
Most adolescents are less than thrilled with completing their homework, and would rather watch TV. That’s where you, the parent, come in. If your child knows there’s no TV until homework is complete or the kitchen is cleaned, she’ll comply, especially if there is a consequence attached to the requested behavior.
Also, limits and guidelines make a child feel secure-they know what is expected of them each day and understand what positive things will occur if they respond appropriately, and the negative consequences if they choose not to comply.
Keep your adolescent involved: A bored teen is often an unhappy teen. Children this age thrive on activity - both mental and physical. Those who sit around tend to watch too much TV, eat too much, perhaps spend too much time on suspect internet chat lines, and often become depressed.
Teens are still children, and some of the main jobs of childhood are to learn how to be cooperative with others, to have fun and to expend energy. Play is important in childhood, yet teens often succumb to their friends’ notions that anything less than living on the phone or shopping at the mall is politically incorrect.
In such a case, encourage her to get to know the neighborhood children again and engage in some real activity. You can sign her up for a sport team where she’ll learn new skills, make friends, increase her self-concept.
Allow and encourage reasonable independence: By the time of adolescence, children are ready to make many of their own decisions, with and without your guidance. Choice regarding clothing styles, friends, study schedule, music and how leisure time is spent are areas that should be within your child’s direction, at least initially.
If she displays good judgment in terms of friend selection, that’s great-but if not, you may need to discuss just what it is about her friends that you don’t like.
If her clothing choices stay within the school dress code guidelines and you’re not embarrassed to be seen in public with her, then let her call the shots. If it gets too weird, you need to step in and set up some family guidelines.
It’s appropriate, and healthy, to give your children the control to make certain choices as they mature. Wise selections lead to good self-esteem. Inappropriate choices are actually teachable moments-the child learns firsthand that hanging out with sketchy children can lead to restrictions or legal problems.
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