Does it really matter what a woman wears to bed?

Do men actually like women to wear sexy lingerie? Should it matter what I wear to bed?

Betty

What readers say

Some men really love sexy lingerie. Plenty of them don’t really care. But the truth of the matter is that many men won’t admit it, but bondage-inspired looks are actually the kind of lingerie men like the most. If not for every day, maybe for a special occasion like Valentine’s or an anniversary. Maybe you can create your special occasions, no matter the date. The surprise effect always works in your favour.

?- Fred Jausenge

Betty, your question is so technical. Lingerie is actually important not only to you but to your man. Sleep is important. It comes naturally in welcoming environments. The comfort of what to wear in bed is solely one thing; the sexiness to the partner is another. In as much preparedness visually is important, discussion is equally key. They say that seduction, which can ensure a night of intimacy, begins during the day.

However, our lifestyles are different and so certain things may not work for everyone. Some men may see seduction as promiscuity: it all depends with the values with which one is brought up. It also depends on the activities of the day.

A tiresome day might not end with a night of intimacy no matter what kind of lingerie a woman wears! I mean the life of a ‘mjengo’ man and a life of an office boss require different antidotes. The key thing is for the partners to discuss what turns them on. Find out what you both like, then go for it.

- Ouma Ragumo-Sifuyo

Dear Betty,

First let’s take it that you are asking from a general perspective, where you want to know what men prefer. Typically, men are attracted to what they see. This does not mean that all men like the same thing but rather what their minds interpret as attractive. Women, on the other hand, go with what they feel.

When it comes to bedtime clothing, two main factors determine what one settles for; comfort and appeal, charm or attractiveness. Many people go for comfort especially if one is in that school of thought that if no one is watching (or is bothered), there is no need to be appealing.

This is the reason some people transform from exquisite during the day to grotesque at night where they dress in all manner of ill-fitting clothes — from promotional and campaign T-shirts to baggy pyjamas with cartoon prints. Well, if this does not affect any other person then it should be less of our concern. 

However, in a romantic relationship, things ought to be different; the charming aspect must come to play. The struggle within happens when one, because of culturisation, religious misconceptions or just their conservative nature, wrongly associate lingerie with a negative image. 

In marriage, after a number of years of being together, familiarity can easily set in and physical allure may be at the bottom of the list.

Beyond what men like, I think you should pay attention to what enchants your partner. Drop any background or religious hang-ups that you could be harbouring. You can rock in the boardroom and rock in the bedroom. It is perfectly in order to charm your partner.