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Signs that you have poor boundaries in your relationships

Relationships - By Lolita Bunde
Learn to speak up when relationships are not working out for you (Shutterstock)

All relationships need boundaries. Whether it is at work, with your family members, marriage or simply with friends, boundaries help both parties in a relationship know when they are crossing lines. When a relationship does not have clearly set boundaries, one party is bound to be at the losing end.

You will either be giving too much or you will be taken for granted by everyone around you. Here are some signs that you have poor boundaries and that you need to work on yourself:

Always bottling your feelings

When people constantly hurt you and you don’t talk about it that is a sign that you have poor boundaries in your relationships. Of course people are bound to disagree and one person has to take the blame but it should not always be you when you are clearly hurt. When you bottle your feeling because you don’t want to lose or hurt the people around you, they should also feel the same way about you.

Feel guilty about spoiling yourself

Once in a while it is good to be selfish with yourself. Take yourself out, buy yourself something good and just love yourself. The moment you feel guilty about going out of your way to take care of yourself or take care of your mental health this means your relationship is not healthy. Once in a while you need time out to just love yourself without worrying about any other thing or person, the people around you should also respect and encourage you when you do this.

Your mental health comes first before any relationship (Shutterstock)

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When you find yourself always saying yes to all invites or changes around you even when you don’t want to, that’s a problem. Relationships are two way and a good one should have compromises that work for both parties. It is draining to be the ‘yes friend’ all the time because that means your job is to make others happy while no one worries about your feelings or happiness.

Struggle with making decisions

This can range from wanting to stay indoors and watch a movie, taking a promotion or simply deciding what to have for dinner, you can’t make the decision without consulting people around you. Of course some decisions may affect people around you and it would only be prudent to involve them, however when you feel the need to call your friends even when it doesn’t concern them it means you don’t believe in yourself.

Hate letting people down

As the ‘yes friend’, you hate letting everyone around you down and you would rather be the last person to leave the office because you want to keep the peace. When your relationships don’t have an allowance for failure, you are either trying too hard or the people around you are taking advantage of your goodness. Don’t get burn out because you work too hard for people and things that will not be appreciated.

Always feel used

When you find yourself in a room alone always crying or thinking about how much your friends don’t appreciate you, then they really don’t. Good relationships share the burden of making it work and both parties play their role. When you give too much of your time and energy without reciprocation maybe it’s time to reevaluate that relationship.

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