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When your man is too anxious to perform in bed

 The science attached to sex is complex and involves the act of the mind


Erectile dysfunction is the inability to achieve or sustain an erection suitable for sexual intercourse. Causes include medications, chronic illnesses, poor blood flow to the penis, excessive alcohol, drugs, poor lifestyle choices, fatigue and oh yes, performance anxiety. Did you know that Performance anxiety is the highest contributor for male erectile dysfunction?

Sex is a God given gift intended for pleasure and procreation. Partners grow and bond along the journey and constant worry, fear and high expectations of performance can be detrimental to any relationship.

The science attached to sex is complex and involves the act of the mind, physical attraction, emotional wellbeing together with sufficient supply of the male hormone, testosterone to desire and achieve fulfillment in sexual activity.

Sex is an instinctive act considered a basic human need, a gift from God uniting partners for pleasure and procreation that should be explored and enjoyed to the fullest. Most men make enough testosterone to maintain libido throughout life while others, although have enough testosterone are challenged for various reasons. Yes sex is among the most important things in the relationship to a man, according to many studies.

The greatest nightmare for any man is when he is unable to arise to the occasion. This is not uncommon even to healthy well-functioning men as a result of performance anxiety due to sexual and emotional obstacles for men.

James, was eager to have sex but when the moment came, to his surprise, his mind and body were not in tandem, Several men will understand the frustration. He was so eager but his mind was racing with thoughts of how can I make this meaningful, how can I impress her? How will I hold on longer, a past experience made him feel inadequate, the rest is history.

There are various reasons why men experience performance anxiety. It is therefore helpful to support your man along the journey. When the challenge is psychological, it could be attributed to past experiences, fear, anticipation, extreme excitement, anxiety and anticipation which may lead to performance anxiety, and failure, which is devastating to any man.

Experiences of disastrous honeymoons have been shared many times; unmet expectations and disappointments, which I greatly attribute to ignorance and unrealistic expectations based on media influence or exaggerated peer reviews. You waited long and had to actualize the high expectations. However, when the moment came, anxiety took over.

Many are socialized to think of sex as an act of performance, with certain expected outcomes, without which then it is a failure. Anxiety around sex comes from the expectations imposed on man as a result of tradition and culture, from media on depictions of how men should act and be.

Sadly, many men cover up their fear, they know their woman is expectant and this can cause dysfunction when they feel the pressure. It could also be the man’s desire for validation and appreciation not only between the sheets but in general.

Sexual concerns and performance anxiety are not uncommon with varying degrees and is a part of male sexuality. Whatever happens, do not think too much into the failure; consider it temporary huddle which both partners should talk about freely.

Note that it is not the time for blame games, simply understand that tomorrow is another day. To ignore sexual concerns and performance anxiety and pretend it is irrelevant will destroy your relationship. Keep the lines of communication open. Sisters, remember to support and encourage your man, he has his own fears and his goal is to make you the happiest queen.

Guys, remember that worrying will only distract you. Why worry when you can simply let it go, talk to your partner and give it a go on another day. It’s not the performance that matters most but the commitment and compassion for one another that will keep you going.

It is to the benefit of both partners that you achieve fulfillment and happiness, make it work! live, love and thrive, because you deserve it!

The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke

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