How do I tune a divorced young woman to like me?

Last Friday as I went through my mailbox, I stumbled upon a strange request from a certain Sam, who claimed to be an avid reader of this rag. For some strange reasons, Sam imagines I am a relationship expert. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth. Actually, all I do is to critique.

Sam wrote in seeking my advice on how he can 'tune' this young pretty divorcee acquaintance he was recently introduced to. Now, being a wise junior elder and also in a bid to dispel the notion that editors are mean-spirited snobs who don't read or replay mails, this what I have to say.

First, that woman could be extremely vulnerable and you must be patient and understanding because a heartbroken women falling in love again is a slow process. By this I mean communication has to be minimal.

Don't bother her with incessant calls or flood her with nagging text messages. Doing so is tantamount to pressing a self-destruct button, which will make her abandon ship by blocking you or ignore your calls and texts.

If you will be lucky to break ice and the vibes start flowing, much as you could be a member of 'Team Mafis'i, don't behave like a randy goat and start hinting about the big game. Remember, this is a very alert individual who has been once bitten and thus keenly looking out for red flags in potential mates.

If she is into you, chances are she will say she needs some time to think about it. Make her feel special because some times divorce or separation deals a major blow on victims' self-esteem, making them doubt their worth and suitability. Help her recover from the heart break back to her normal self.

But while at it, you must be keen and employ tact so that you don't waste your time because some of these types who say they need time can be sly.

They can lead you on and give you false hope, when in actual sense all they want is to use you to validate themselves by fishing for compliments and all that jazz to boost their low self-esteem. Others may throw all their financial burdens on you.

My friend, nothing pains a man than being led on and blowing up cash while at it, only for the pursuit to end in a heartless rejection. This can bruise your ego and throw you into self-hating spiral spite. Meanwhile, as all this goes on, for heavens sake, remain a man.

Stop behaving like a mouse because that is a one-way ticket to friend zone — a terrible place for any man who had romantic prospects in a woman to be quarantined. Put in another way, don't be too nice to the extent of her treating you as one of her girlfriends.

Last but not least, if she has a child, don't expect preferential treatment from her. The moment a woman is divorced, her love and allegiance shifts to her children. It is a no brainer; the best you can become is a distant second in her pecking order. All the best.