Dear Coleen: My abusive ex wants me back - what do I do?

Dear Coleen

I was in a relationship with my ex for 11 years and we have two kids together.

We broke up just over a year ago because he was verbally and physically abusive to me at times and he could never keep a job or stay focused on anything in his life.

Recently, he had another child with someone else, but he says he still wants us to work things out for us and for our kids.

At first, I was sure I didn’t want to take him back, but recently, after talking things through, I’m considering it.

If I do, though, I’m pretty sure my family will disown me after what I’ve been through with him.

I don’t know what to do. Please help.

Coleen says

I think you need to be very careful not to land yourself in the same situation after doing so well to get out of it.

I would never recommend anyone to go back to someone who was physically abusive. You’d be taking your kids back into a potentially violent environment, too.

What makes you think he’s changed? Has he got help for his anger issues while you’ve been apart? Has he done anything at all to make you think things would be different this time around?

You’ve managed fine without him for over a year while all he’s managed to do is go off and have a baby with someone else.

I totally understand why your family would be upset and frustrated. They are probably very proud of you for escaping the situation and caring for the kids on your own.

Go with your initial gut instinct and don’t let him charm you into making a huge mistake.

My guess is that things would be OK for a while, but the honeymoon wouldn’t last long and he’d be back to his old ways pretty quickly.

The danger is that if it does go terribly wrong, you might feel trapped into staying with him because your family and friends warned you what would happen.

You’re doing fine on your own. Keep it that way.