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I found out that my dad cheated on my mother and I can’t get over it


I feel so angry with my dad for keeping this from me and my two younger sisters

Dear Coleen

I’m a 34-year-old man and I recently discovered that I have another brother and sister. To put it politely, my dad has always had an eye for the ladies and he fathered these children when he was still married to my mum (they got divorced 10 years ago).

I’ve always known he was a flirt and I remember huge arguments at home between him and mum after they’d been to a party, but I never knew until now that he’d had other children.

He wouldn’t have told me – I found out at a family do after one of my aunts, who’d had too much to drink, spilled the beans. I don’t even know if my mum knows.

I feel so angry with my dad for keeping this from me and my two younger sisters. Our half-brother and sister have different mums and are grown up with kids of their own.

I don’t know what to do with this information, but I feel I need to talk to someone about it. Should I talk to my mum and tell my sisters?

I haven’t spoken to my dad since I found out – I’m so angry with him I’m worried I’ll say something I’ll regret.

What’s your advice?

Coleen says

I think you should speak to your dad first and find out exactly who does know. Your mum might know and it may be part of the reason your parents’ marriage broke up.

And if she does know, you can’t be angry with her because she probably made a decision not to tell you because she didn’t want to cause you any pain or confusion.

She might not have wanted you to form a bad impression of your dad.

You also have to ask yourself what you want out of it – do you want to meet these siblings and have a relationship with them? Or do you just want a proper explanation from your dad?

You need to tread carefully because your half-brother and sister might not know who their

dad is.

After you’ve spoken to your dad, you might come to the conclusion that it’s in the past and it’s best to let it stay there.

I understand it’s unsettling to find out this information later in life – I have a half-sister I’ve never met and I found out about her in my late 20s. I’d love to meet her, but I know nothing about her, other than she exists or existed. I have a theory that she didn’t want to get in touch with us – after all, we’re not a normal family!

The Nolans were high profile at the time and she could have made contact if she’d wanted to.

Sometimes you have to accept that people have reasons for preferring to leave things as they are.

Talk to your dad, find out who knows and take it from there.


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