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Why you should not deny you partner sex


Men are forgetful, but one thing that their minds are permanently wired to remember is the last time they slept with a woman.  For those lucky enough to get some pelvic relief regularly, it is never a big a deal, for they will always know where to get it, be it with their wife, girlfriend or just outsourcing (read one-night stands or commercial sex workers). But for those who have to forage due to marital rationing or lack of an available girlfriend, it is a different story altogether.

The periods upon which individuals don’t get to sleep with members of the opposite sex (gays have their ways as well) have been labelled as dry spells. Such times, men teem with palpable lust and pelvic thirst they can sleep with anything to vent off the steam. In the era of social media, thirsting now plays out openly. Daily, you see a woman says she wants to be taken out. Daily, you see a man liking the photos and dropping saucy comments any time a female friend uploads photos. All this tells you one thing; the individuals want something.

Sex rationing

 I don’t know how women handle dry spells. Lately though, one-night-stands have become fairly common. No-strings attached sex is now a standard practice across Nairobi. Maybe alcohol and the pill have empowered women to display their thirst without men necessarily judging them harshly. However, for men, if a dry spell goes for long, it can lead them to be reckless.

Recently, a friend arrived from one of those fundamentalist Muslim countries, where he had been studying for four years. That means for four years, he has never felt the warmth of a woman’s body next to him. Four years, let that sink in. Neither has he ever tasted alcohol. I was the first man he interacted with and his second sentence after hugging me profusely at the airport was, “I need beer and a woman in that order.” He was itching.

It was a 999 moment. He was on fire. A venereal disease at the time was the least of his concerns. He wanted a woman, regardless of her looks. Rather a shy person, he shocked me by his brazen demand. When we hit the bar, he could not believe how easy things are for a secular Kenya. More to the point, I left him to his devices and I hope by now, he has cooled down. I have had my fair share of such droughts that needed proper irrigation and boy, they can make a man do stupid things. Like calling an ex at 3.02am and giggling sheepishly.

Conjugal pleasure

He brought home a vital fact: A man can only go on for so long without conjugal pleasure. When denied or lacking, they resort to desperate measures that doubly endanger their lives. Thus if you are someone’s wife or girlfriend, of all the things that you can deny him, it should not be sex. Deny him food, let him work on his laundry, pick up after himself, but importantly make his day. A sexually frustrated male is a walking grenade waiting to explode. It can explode on your best friend or worst still, your blood relative. Blame it on the circumstances.

Thankfully, in Nairobi, you can have your way without going through the emotions and expenses that come with relations if you know where to look. Here is to hope that my friend got some.

Photo: iamthompson.wordpress.com

@nyanchwani, [email protected]

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