Masturbation is causing problems to my sex life : Evewoman - The Standard
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Masturbation is causing problems to my sex life

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I am having trouble with my wife mainly in relation to our sex life. Things are really bad now and I feel that I am not able to satisfy her. Could this be related to the fact that I have been masturbating for more than ten years now and could not stop even after I got married? I really want to satisfy her but no matter how hard I try, I always come off very fast. I am worried that she may turn to another man for sex but I want to be the man for her. Please help...{Steve}

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Your Take:

Steve, your previous experience with masturbation has no relation with the problems you are experiencing. I encourage you to seek medical attention to ascertain your sexual strength and improve your libido.

{Ojou Robert- Koyonzo}

What you have is low self-esteem and you need to work on this to enhance it. Remember your mind is the greatest sexual organ, so convince yourself that you are going to start performing well with time.

{Wilberforce Atsiaya}

Steve, you should find ways of sexually satisfying your wife. Do whatever it takes. Once she sees your effort, she would not think of turning to another man for sexual satisfaction. Be confident in yourself.

{Miriam}

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Many men with this vice suffer in silence. It is unfortunate that you used to masturbate before and after marriage, which could be the genesis of your problem. You need total concentration during the act and slowly, you will find yourself doing it well.

{Pastor Ben Shikuku}

Steve, yes masturbation might not only affect you in this manner but may also cause low sperm count. You need to find out what really drives you to masturbate and address that otherwise, you may not stop anytime soon. Also is your wife aware of the masturbation issue? If not, keep it that way and look for professional help from a sex therapist. A professional sexologist may also advice you on exercises that can help you delay ejaculation and extend sexual activity.

{Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo}

Sex is in your mind so you need to settle both spiritually, emotionally and physically. I think you have lost trust and confidence in yourself and this is what you need to work on. See a sex therapist to sort your sexual problems.

{Onyango Outha – Jauduny}

The greatest enemy of sex is anxiety. If you allow yourself to relax and let it occur naturally, then everything is going to be alright and you will never be disappointed by yourself again. Also, the fact that you masturbate means you are a sex addict, and it should not affect your performance to the negative. However, it is a deviant sexual behavior that has negative effects in the long term.

ALSO READ: How I overcame my faithful sex partner ‘masturbation’ after 30 years

{Tasma Charles}

Counselor’s Take:

Steve, you are not alone in this as many other people both men and women struggle with masturbation every day of their lives. Is masturbation harmful and if yes, what are the effects? If yes, what are the effects? Many authorities (Dr. Betty Dodson – Sex for one; The Joy of Self Loving, J.L. Kulliger – Masturbation; The Art of Self Enjoyment) and others seem to converge on the notion that it is indeed not harmful if it is done in moderation. That said, the question that emerges is - how moderate is moderate?

Masturbation, while said to be normal and sometimes healthy has some peculiar effects on the person. First, it programs the individuals mind to accept that they do not need another person to satisfy their sexual desires and reach sexual gratification.

With time this thought becomes deeply entrenched in the mind. Second, with masturbation, the objective is essentially not to enjoy but to relieve one-self of the sexual tension. This is where the diversion is between masturbation and regular sex. With sex, the aim is to enjoy and fulfill not only your needs but those of your partner but with masturbation, one seeks to relieve themselves in the shortest time possible (also because it is usually done in hiding).

Once your mind absorbs the fact that the aim of sexual activity is to "get off" as soon as possible then it will not be different when it comes to regular sex. Again, the object of sexual activity unlike with regular sex is not the other person but one-self.

This could be what is causing you to perform below par sexually since your mind is programmed that sex is all about "you". You may not need a doctor to correct this because the mind is a flexible organ. However, you have to make deliberate effort and continually enforce that the object of your sexual activities is another person (your wife) and that it should not stop until she is fulfilled – then you can go ahead and fulfill yourself.

Everything that happens during sexual activity is commanded from the mind and as such if you program the commanding organ in the right way, you are likely to get some desirable results. Lastly, masturbation is very addictive but you can do without it with a lot of determination. Make a deal with yourself on a no-masturbation policy and you will notice a reduction in frequency towards stopping. {Taurus}

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