I'm a single mum struggling to find love : Evewoman - The Standard
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I'm a single mum struggling to find love

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Dear Coleen

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I’m 39 and I’ve been a single mother for 12 years. I split with my son and daughter’s dad when they were little and I’ve been on my own ever since, focusing on raising my kids and working.

My kids are happy and settled and they keep telling me they’d love me to find a nice boyfriend. I’ve had a couple of dates since their dad left, but nothing has ever come of it.

However, for the last year or two I’ve really wanted to find a serious relationship but I just don’t know how to go about getting one. I’ve tried internet dating but I only ever meet men who aren’t right for me or who just want sex.

I’ve asked friends to set me up with any single friends they have but they either don’t know anybody, or they set me up with people I don’t like or who don’t seem interested in me. Where am I going wrong?

Coleen says

I think you need to stop looking so hard.

Firstly, it sounds as if you have a list of things in your head you want in a boyfriend. But the problem with this is you can write off really lovely people just because they’re not tall enough, or don’t earn enough, or are a bit shy the first time you meet.

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So if you do have a checklist, get rid of it and just think about things like whether they’re kind or make you laugh.

Secondly, don’t get too hung up on wanting to find a boyfriend. Go back to the way you were before. Because when you stop looking, you’re more likely to find love.

Lastly, don’t give up on internet dating – I’ve got three good friends who met their husbands on dating sites and they’re now all happily married.

However, there are lots of such sites, so make sure you’re using the right one for you.

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