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Why can't men state their intentions early?

Relationships
 Make it clear with your date what you want (Photo: iStock)

There is this one thing that men need to get right; being honest when they approach women makes them more attractive.

Since we invest time, money and emotional energy into relationships, it is good to be direct as early as possible to save people the emotional turmoil when they realise the investment wasn’t tallying at all.

Sincerity is the only gift of love that one can give the other as a friend or lover. It’s courteous to keep it real with people from the onset. If you’re looking for something beyond sex, tell them.

If you find them attractive but wouldn’t want to commit to something to write home about, say so.

Most men just want to have casual sex. Casual noncommittal situationships that are simply that – casual. These ones don’t want commitment, any attachment, promises and the ‘what are we’ question. They don’t want marriage, they don’t want love, and neither do they want children.

But instead of being candid from the very beginning, they’d walk into a woman’s life promising heaven on earth, confessing their undying love for them when they know they’re simply passing by.

There are women out there who have no problem with casual, no strings attached sex and are not judgemental. They don’t mind one-night stands and friends with benefits (FwB), including those drunk, steamy weekends. Then there are those who would hear none of it, and will even call their regional pastor and request prayers, because why would a normal human being just want sex from the other person? We know most men can’t live with the fact that a woman can actually ‘refuse them’ and the only conquest they lean on is if they achieve sex through lies and deception. Interesting.

Few people want to date just for sex and company though. But, you’ll always get your match, just be real, bro.

Do y’all know something very sexy and attractive about being honest with the person you are interacting with, whether just casually or intimately? It’s that you’ll be accepted and loved with your words.

They’ll never have to guess your intentions or figure out the signs. When you’re what you say, it gives the whole thing a lot more value. You never know, you might end up getting more than you expected or asked for.

A man who uses the nice and switch tactic to win a woman over is a coward who is afraid to face reality and say things as they are. This cowardly tactic is often used by men with very low self-esteem.

They are emotional abusers who ‘lure’ women with kindness and niceties, garnished with a few pleasantries here and there. When she is finally in the box, head over heels, they slowly come out of their shells and show their real face. (I use lure in quotes because, I know you’d say a grown woman can’t be lured into love or sex).

Such men are inconsistent lovers. Today he is all over calling her diabetic names, sexting and calling her three times a day like an antibiotic dose, the next day he barely remembers her name and she’s there double texting him as he snobs her calls and texts. These cowards simply want their cake and eat it too.

They want all fun and sex that goes with relationship benefits but don’t want to commit and will be very economical with their words, but love (read, sex) comes in great, weird doses. Such greedy and selfish men want the best of both worlds so they can go out and chew whomever they want, whenever they want.

We call them love bombers these ones. And they mostly never say their intentions with the women they get down with. They’ll quickly identify a woman’s weakest point and use it to crash her.

They emotionally drain her then stand aside to say he never told her he loved her, they never had such a conversation and she just read the wrong signal. After he’s a jerk, he’ll again buy flowers. Chocolates. Nice jewellery, or even do a romantic candle lit dinner outside town. Then the love struck damsel would sigh with relief, ‘her’ man is back! Love bomb! He’ll again disappear for a week or so. And the routine goes on and on.

Don’t you think it’s time men became brave enough and stated their intentions from day one? Bro, just tell her that you want something long-term so you two work on it. Or tell her no, you don’t want emotional attachment, love shenanigans, or anything serious. Just man up! The late Lucky Dube said, “the biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman’s love with no intention of loving her.”

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