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Home / Relationships

Confessions: I am tired of this dry spell, I need a man but where are they?

 Is there a formula to getting a man rather than relying on chance? (Image: Shutterstock)

Hi Chris,

At long last I’ve reached the point in my career where I want get married. But frankly, my love life so far has really just been an endless stream of guys who ultimately turned out badly, punctuated by long dry spells!

I’ve not given up hope though, it’s just that I want to get past all that, and find the guy who’s right for me. Only this time I want to go about it properly, using an approach that will succeed, rather than just relying on chance.

So how do I do that?

It’s Time

Chris says,

Hi It’s Time!                                  

Your grandmother didn’t have this problem, because she only ever met a few potential suitors, and they were all very like her. But you meet vast numbers, and most of them are very different from you. Hence the high failure rate.

Fix that by actively ‘pre-screening’ possible dates. And that’s a numbers game, because you need to check out a lot of guys, at least two a week, if you really want to find Mr Right.

So talk briefly to every guy you meet, especially those you encounter during the course of your work. Because their background, education and interests will be more like yours. And their career already tells you a lot about them. Whether they’re successful, hardworking and ambitious for example.

Naturally you’ll also chat to any guys you meet wherever you enjoy going, like evening classes or sports clubs. It only takes a few minutes, and there’s no embarrassment because it’s just ‘small talk,’ right?

But small talk with a purpose. Politely establishing his work, background, interests, and availability: ‘…and what does your wife do?’ It’ll feel like you’re networking, and that pretty much ensures he’ll be truthful.

Go no further with anyone who feels like a loser, and drop a hint to the winners: ‘Here’s my card, call me and let’s have coffee sometime.’

Have that coffee date in daylight, because that means the honesty will continue. Quickly lose interest in anyone who shows the slightest signs of insecurity, weird personality traits, financial problems, bad temper, previous poor relationships or a tricky family background.

Get the idea? So far you’re basically eliminating the troublemakers. Painlessly. After which you can safely date the rest, and start looking for the one who positively matches your needs and values!

Quickly drop any guy who goes off the radar, or who can’t plan, or never follows through, or who drinks heavily. Expect him to do small gracious things for you, be nice to your friends, and be totally exclusive and honest with you.

Gradually shift away from formal dating to simply spending lots of time together, and if that feels good, you can start dreaming of a wedding.

All the best,

Chris

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