Secret ingredient to a happier relationship? Playfulness

Playfulness brings more than light-hearted fun in a relationship. Consultant psychologist James Bosse says that it shows emotional flexibility, creativity, and resilience, while helping couples build stronger emotional bonds and go through life’s challenges together.

If there’s one message I would give couples in this regard, it is that playfulness is therapeutic. Couples who laugh together recover faster from disagreements and challenges,” he says.

Simple daily habits like dancing while cooking, playing board games, exchanging flirtatious messages, revisiting shared memories and creating new ones are all practical ways to bring more joy into a relationship.

He explains that playful partners are perceived as more attractive since they project optimism, confidence, and adaptability. Playfulness communicates emotional availability and promotes a sense of psychological safety for partners to spend more time together.

When couples laugh and play together, the brain releases dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins. These hormones bring about happiness, relaxation, and emotional bonding. They also help minimise stress.

“Playfulness strengthens emotional intimacy by lowering defensive mechanisms and makes vulnerability feel safer. As partners become more comfortable with one another, they are more willing to express themselves openly,” he says.

James notes that gentle teasing, inside jokes, and shared fun experiences promote reliability and closeness and build emotional security and a sense of trust. Confidence, he adds, is built when people can laugh at themselves without feeling ashamed.

He points out that emotionally playful couples experience stronger physical attraction as well. Playfulness enhances chemistry because people who enjoy each other emotionally are more likely to desire each other physically.

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In long-term relationships, playfulness helps keep the connection new. The brain responds positively to novelty and surprise, so trying new activities together interrupts routine and prevents emotional stagnation.

“Humour improves resilience and reduces emotional tension. When you laugh together, you remind yourselves why you enjoy each other’s company. Humour is emotional medicine during stress,” he expresses.

During conflict, he explains that playfulness can help in de-escalation once emotions have settled. It shifts the brain from a threat response to a problem-solving mindset; therefore, couples approach disagreements more constructively.

Signs that a relationship has lost its sense of play are conversations being purely transactional, reduced laughter, declining affection and a feeling that the relationship has become more like work than companionship.

“Reigniting playfulness after a relationship has become routine can be challenging. Therapy can help offer couples guidance on rebuilding playful interactions,” he encourages.

To restore playfulness, he advises couples to be intentional. Putting away digital devices, spending quality time together, flirting again, celebrating small victories, revisiting meaningful places and rebuilding emotional safety can help rekindle connection.

However, James observes that some adults struggle to be playful. He attributes this to factors such as cultural expectations, childhood trauma, anxiety, criticism, perfectionism and the weight of adult responsibilities, and these can suppress spontaneity.

“For those who find playfulness difficult, start small. Therapy can help, as can simple jokes, easy games and revisiting childhood activities that encourage light-hearted interaction,” he says.

He notes that personality also shapes how people express playfulness. Extroverts may be more outwardly expressive, while introverts often prefer quieter forms of humour. Ambiverts may move comfortably between both styles.

He discourages using humour to avoid serious conversations. While laughter is healthy, couples must also know when to set it aside and address important issues honestly.

“Playfulness is not immaturity. It is emotional resilience in action,” he says.