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Home / Relationships

Lovers who vanish without a word

 Photo: Courtesy

You meet a fantastic guy. The chemistry between you is off the charts! You exchange numbers and he texts you constantly. You go out on an incredible first date. You believe you have just hit the jackpot; a charming, delightful guy who is madly into you.

You can’t stop telling your friends how amazing he is. Then things start to go awry. He stops calling as often as he used to. The texting gradually peters off as well. He makes no plans to see you because he is suddenly very busy. Then eventually, all communications come to a screeching halt. He disappears into thin air.

Welcome to the 21st century way of ending a relationship: ghosting. Ghosting is when a person gives no explanation whatsoever for his disappearance to a person he is dating. It just doesn’t happen after a single rendezvous either. You can date a guy for months before he decides to give you the cold shoulder. He stops answering your calls and texts and simply vanishes.

 Quite a number of women have a dating story that ends with ‘and then I never heard from him again.’ Ghosting is the coward’s way out of a relationship. For whatever reason, the coward decides that he does not want to pursue the relationship further and instead of manning up and ending things in the right manner, he figures he will just ignore you until you eventually get the hint and leave him alone.

It just takes a moment to tell a person that your feelings have changed. Even if it is just a quick short text telling the other person that you do not wish to see him or her again. Being ghosted is harrowing. When a relationship ends ambiguously, you never get the closure you need to move forward. When you don’t have a tangible reason as to why he left, you tend to overthink everything.

Ghosting is incredibly juvenile. You would think that it would only exist among teenage love affairs, but grown men and women do it as well. If it becomes apparent that you are being ghosted, do not put up a fight. It is best to just let go gracefully. Stop texting him if he is not texting back. Stop calling him if he is not answering your calls.

Accept that you may never know why he stopped talking to you. The best way to deal with ghosting is to control your own expectations. Understand that you are just getting to know the other person and that although everything feels right at the beginning, you should not invest in them fully until you know them better.

Women tend to start fantasizing about the future the minute they meet a guy they like and who seems interested in them. Just enjoy the date as much as you can, but do not put all your eggs in one basket. If a man ever pulls a Houdini on you, it is in no way a reflection of who you are.

If your ghost ever resurfaces and wants to try things again, do not even give him a minute of your time, unless he comes bearing a profound apology. Even then, be cautious before letting him back into your life. He could just be bored and looking for an easy hookup. Sometimes men get confused and are unsure of what they want, so they need time off to figure it out, so don’t just write him off either.

If you are not into somebody, tell him or her, don’t pull a cowardly disappearing act.

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