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Why Kenyan women now want to be second wife

Relationships - By Anne Muiruri | January 23rd 2017 at 09:11:27 GMT +0300
Photo: Courtesy

A while back the strangest thing happened to me. I went on a blind date on Saturday with a man who was a friend of a friend of a friend; and thirty minutes into my date I got my first marriage proposal, but not the kind you are thinking. I was offered the role of second wife. Apparently, my date had a wife of twelve years and three children, and was currently on the prowl for a second wife.

I can tell you for free that after that second wife proclamation the date took a turn for worse, and I ended up walking off in a huff.

How dare he?

I was so mad and insulted, I mean what kind of man thought that I was only good enough for number two, or that any right- thinking, modern woman would willingly line up to be second and not first?

But after I was done with being outraged and disgusted, I really started to think about it, and I realised that there is a strange paradigm shift that has been taking place on the matrimonial scene of late, with modern and independent women increasingly electing to become second wives.

Personally, I know of two friends, all independent women with their own career and money who happily choose to be second wives.

And of course I judged them harshly; I mean everyone assumes that being a co-wife or second wife to a man is something a desperate woman does.

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A woman who is desperate for money, a social upgrade, or better yet desperate to have a man, and any man will do, even one who is already taken.

Basically, polygamy is demonized especially amongst educated women because no one can understand why any self-respecting woman would accept second-wife status.

In fact, most people believe that polygamy was invented by men so they could have more sex, and that women get nothing out of it, and in fact spend their time alone and crying when their man is at the other wife’s house.

However, upon investigation I have come to learn that polygamy is in fact the perfect solution for a career-driven woman, a woman who does not want to sacrifice her life for a man, who has no delusions about her capabilities to be the submissive, subdued and a domesticated superstar that most first wives aspire to be.

An independent woman who has no delusions about taking care of a grown man as if he were a helpless child, all in the name of having a husband.

Part time wife

An ambitious woman whose career and ambitions comes first, but because she needs the security that comes with having a husband and does not really want the responsibility of being a wife, she chooses to be a second wife.

So in essence she is a part time wife, she does not have to deal with the hard-core stuff that a first wife deals with.

As a part time wife, you do not have to cook, clean or care about all the needs of a man because he has someone else who can do that.

You get to put up with the joys and shenanigans of having a husband twice or thrice a week, and after, you get to return him to his other wife and proceed to live like a single woman.

It’s like having your cake and eating it too!

The world has changed loves – that traditional bond or romantic ideology that lead couples to the altar in the past has been relegated to the back seat, these days marriage is all about convenience. What is convenient for you?

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