Our sex life is dead and my husband is to blame

In the last two years, my husband has put on a lot of weight and grown out of shape. He now has a big and ugly pot belly that hangs loose, he has developed breasts and has too much body fat all over. The situation is so bad that he cannot even tie his shoes.

This is really bothering me since everything has changed including our sex life which is now almost dead. I cannot even enjoy going out with him because people just keep staring at him. I feel bad for him and would really like to help. Before he was fit and had an awesome well-built body. I want to help but don't know how. Please advise me. {Bancy}

Your Take:

Help him deal with this by encouraging him to stay fit and to eat healthy and he can go back to his normal weight if he’s willing to. Understand his situation and know that there are solutions for this. Stand by him since he is your husband. {Mary Duya}

The problem does not start at the stomach but rather from the kitchen. I hope you are in control of your family’s diet. Get him to enroll for a workout programme to get him back in shape and also let him know that it is his responsibility to satisfy you in bed. {Samson Nyamweya}

If you want to change someone, appreciate him first then give him your input. Just go out with him as you used to do, show him love and make him know something is wrong then tactfully bring your suggestions. Weight loss is a journey and he needs you by his side. {Tasma Saka}

Enroll him at a gym and ensure he does a lot of walking every day. Help him watch his diet to keep his weight in check. Exercise, love and the right diet are what he needs now. {Ben Ka Ngage}

Counsellor's Take:

Weight is never a good thing and it is surprisingly much easier to put it on than to lose so we are all encouraged to keep it down as opposed to struggling to shake it off once it sets in. From my understanding matters to do with weight can be rather complex as they may be triggered or facilitated by many things that include genetics, lifestyle, current social and/or psychological conditions among others.

The first step in such a situation is getting him to accept that there is a problem. When he does, it will set him on the right path to addressing the problem. Then it would be crucial to try and understand what could have brought this about. It appears that initially he was relatively fit until some point. Understanding the probable cause/s is crucial in developing a strategy to deal with it. Identifying the probable triggers of this will help you address the root cause which is much more effective than dealing with the effects.

The services of a nutritionist will also be essential in shaping his diet which could be a critical factor in this. A careful reflection on his lifestyle and day-to-day habits will also provide some leads that could help to deal with this. It is highly likely that the nutritionist will assess these factors and design a suitable feeding plan that will be of help to him.

However, even with a nutritionist, he will have to make adjustments to his lifestyle to ensure that he burns off excess calories and keeps healthy. It would be helpful to enrol in a health facility or adopt healthy living habits. These may include regular workouts, frequent walking or jogging plans among others.

These are usually fairly easy to design but hard to implement to completion especially when one does them alone. I would also encourage you to join him in this. Your partnering with him on this would not only give him invaluable moral support but will also be beneficial to you. You will need expert advice on this to get a solution that will work for him. {Taurus}