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Never trust the driver in front of you if he’s wearing a hat and other timeless wisdom from mums

Below is the only advice you will ever need to get through life… and all for just the very reasonable indeed price of this newspaper. Us mums are selfless like that, see.   Your eyebrows are meant to be sisters, not twins. Admittedly, for men this is nonsensical. But for women it’s life-changing, believe me.   If you worry, you die. If you don’t worry, you still die. So why worry? Would surely calm anyone anxious down in any situation (as long as they don’t dwell on the whole them dying part.)   Measure twice because you can only cut once. Wise words both as life philosophy and literal instruction before doing scissorwork of any kind.   Put everything back where you found it, so you know where it is the next time you need it. Such a simple sentence, and yet I have saved hundreds of millions of marriages by typing it. I HOPE MY CURRENT HUSBAND SEES IT.   Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. To be taken both generally and fashion-ally.   When in doubt, do nothing. The best kind of instruction possible – one where you don’t have to do anything. Has never failed me yet though.   Never turn down an opportunity to go to the loo. Far better to regret going than to regret not going, in public.   When life gives you lemons, ask for tequila and salt. Lemonade, schmemonade. The official meaning of this is probably that you should make the best out of bad situations, but I interpret it more as when life sucks, get drunk.   Never cut your own hair. (Unless you’re a hairdresser, and even then not the back.)   Never trust the driver in front of you if he’s wearing a hat. My family motto. I used to think it was just my dad being funny, but then I realised how incredibly accurate it is. Am sure remembering this has saved my life more times than I am even aware of.   Check yourself before you wreck yourself. It rhymes, ergo it’s true.   Trust your gut. Never mind what anyone tells you, follow your own instinct and you’ll never go wrong. In other words, it’s therefore imperative that you ignore any advice anyone ever tried to give you. Oh. Oopsie.
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