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Why you should shun the role of single mum

 Why you should shun the role of single mum (Photo: iStock)

If men are going to only pay half of the bills, they should also be able to do house chores and take care of the children beyond that Sunday hangout.

Women usually end up struggling with postpartum depression because they settle for partners who do not actively take part in raising the children.

They do not change diapers; neither do they wake up when the baby is crying at night. They do not accompany you to the hospital when the baby is sick and sometimes start cheating immediately after the baby is born.

A lot of men do not know how to fulfil the emotional needs of their partners because they didn’t grow up in households where male figures fulfilled the emotional needs of the mothers. They grew up around fathers who came home late and drunk as mothers cared for everyone except herself and they imagine it is normal.

A lot of us have never heard our mothers say they were exhausted or unhappy. We grew up around mothers who did it all without complaining. That is why we still imagine it is normal to end up with partners who are often absent at home.

We grew up with mothers who got home immediately after work and fathers who could stay out with friends until 9 p.m. In this dynamic world, the only role the man plays is that of paying certain bills and there’s nothing sustainable about that arrangement.

You will resent your husband. You will hate him for leaving everything to you and in your resentment, you will end up unhappy too. In a way, heterosexuality is doomed.

I will never understand why women still crave marriage so much when most of the time it is just an arrangement you get with someone where you live together and share the bills while he benefits from your uncompensated labour.

 There’s something deeply unsatisfying about being a single mother within a marriage. That is what older women were and we should learn to dissociate from that if we can’t find partners who are going to be as present at home as mothers usually are.

If you are going to be a single mother, you would rather do it on your own and not in a marriage. Statistically, single mothers are said to do less labour in their homes than their married counterparts.

 If your partner has never cooked, washed the kids, prepared them for school, got home early enough to help with homework, put them to bed, or woke them up early and dealt with their tantrums then you are technically a single mother and you are setting yourself up for failure.

You are setting yourself up for failure because your children will always remember you as the screaming parent and they will always remember their Dad as the chill parent who took them out on Sundays and who never beat them up.

 In the morning as you are screaming while searching for shoes and books, your children will look at you and hate you for being the screaming parent without realising that you are the screaming parent because the other one does not do anything at home to help.

They will never know you are the only parent who woke up at night when they couldn’t stop crying after they had just been born. They will never know their dad never fed them and even if they do, they will remember you as the parent who forced them to eat vegetables.

They will resent you for that too, not realising they would have ended up with marasmus or some other food deficiency had it all been left up to the “fun dad”

A lot of women would have been better mothers had their husbands been more involved in raising the children.

They are exhausted with everything they are required to do to make sure everyone is living effectively. The sad thing is that children will never see it that way.

The dad who never changed diapers nor got them ready for school will always be the hero in their eyes because he never smacked them even once out of danger.

You did everything to make sure they did their homework and went to school early enough to look good but you will always be the villain in their eyes because you were an exhausted and frustrated mother doing it all alone.

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