I want to be close to my daughter but she hates me

Dear Coleen

My teenage daughter seems to hate me and it’s tearing me apart. Her dad left us when she was four and her two older brothers were six and eight.

I’ve always done my best, and I get along well with both my sons who are now 18 and 20. But, my daughter, who now 16, seems to really hate me.

I would love more than anything to have a close relationship with her, but she’s so rude to me.

My sons were always laid back, while she was always a highly strung child prone to temper tantrums and moods.

I figured she’d grow out of them, but if anything she’s got worse. She blames me for everything and whenever I suggest something nice, like a shopping trip, she either won’t go or we go and end up having a huge argument over something petty. She’s my only daughter and I just want to be close to her. What should I do?

Coleen says

First, she doesn’t hate you. I’ve got a teenage daughter and she’s nothing like her older brothers either so I, too, am having my first foray into finding out what teen girls are like. Boys tend to be so much more open and straightforward, whereas girls can be more secretive and sensitive.

My daughter doesn’t tell me as much as her brothers did and it can be hard. But I think sometimes you just have to keep calm, keep them close and bite your tongue. That’s not to say you should let her be rude to you. It’s important to set ground rules over things like rudeness, curfew and social media. But I think you need to chill out a bit.

Teenage girls rarely want to be mates with their mum. This will all change in her 20s but between the ages of 14 and 18 girls can be very hormonal so just keep telling her you love her and then back off a bit. I promise in time she’ll come round and you’ll be close.