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10 Signs of mid-life crisis in Nairobi women

Lady Speak
 Photo; Courtesy

For a long time midlife crisis has been associated with men only, but recently the trend has been catching up with women too.

Most of them can’t differentiate between evolving and retarded growth also known as denial.

Midlife crisis, defined as an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence, can occur in early middle age has in the past  happened to women, because they reach a certain age and find they finally have the opportunity to do all the things in life they have put off doing while caring for their families.

1.    The cougar –

You can’t argue with biology and the fact that younger guys have more stamina, and dating one at forty just may have a match made in orgasm heaven.  More women in their 40s in Nairobi are increasingly leaving their husbands in Lavington and moving in with toy boys in average apartments in Lang’ata.

This is because men reach their sexual prime in their twenties due to a spike in testosterone, while women typically reach theirs in their 30s and 40s.

2.    The Outgoing lot-

They suddenly discover that Wednesday evening is ladies night at a night club in Westlands. The fact that it plays their favourite hits from the 1980’s is a better excuse to dance like its 1996. When they get high, they feel the need to get rowdy and shout to anyone who cares to listen about their ability to pay their own bills all in the name of affirming their status in the society.

If they are not at the hottest club in town they are out in a tattoo parlor turning their skin into a coloring book. At some point an out of town trip with their toy boys will be organized and we will never hear the end of it on social media!

3.    The sex toy pro-

A few months ago aprominent female politician in her late 40s shocked a crowd of women when she told them about her best kept secret; sex toys.  The politician was sharing an incident where she could not explain to her house girl after she bumped into these toys.

 She is not the only Nairobian with experience in sex toys. More single women who are in their forties are investing in sex toys to satisfy them in those cold nights when their toy boys are too busy to answer to their booty calls!

4.    “Don’t call me mum” freak-

Yes! Like Judas they will deny their own children. This happens especially to women with children over twenty years old. In most cases they will fore-warn their children and ask them to refer them to their first name.

5.    “16 till I die” beauty-

We are not pointing any fingers but for how long will some women remain 26? The ageless beauty would rather die than admit her recall age which is most likely 42. They are like vampires only that botox fails them when the wrinkles insist on marking their territories on some part of the neck and forehead!

6.    Miss Independent-

In the spirit of living upto Beyoncé’s Single ladies anthem, married women in their forties will abandon their marriages to enjoy their ‘freedom’. They will suddenly discover how after twenty years of marriage they made the wrong decision and how they missed out on a lot of opportunities in life life.

They will repeat the silly speech to everyone one who cares to listen .They label themselves as the official dismissive authority against marriage. Sadly they will wreck other homes behind the curtains.

7.    The bleaching queen-

If your colleague’s chocolate complexion changes overnight to ‘yellow yellow’, two things could have happened. She either suffered acid burns or used the overrated ‘cake soap’ from Congo to bleach her face.

 This mostly happens to the senior bachelorettes whose attempts to secure a man of their own have and   this might be their last resort. They believe that light skins look younger and more attractive.

8.    The gym bunny-

Addict or not, exercise undeniably makes everyone feel better. Just ten minutes of physical exertion has been shown to reduce depression, improve your mood, dial down anxiety, and make us less angry.

However why should a woman in her forties go to the gym three times a day is too much. Not unless the gym instructor is you husband/boyfriend, three times a day simply means that you are too bored with your life, wish to get back to the size two you were while in your twenties.

9.    The artificial guru-

Some women won’t accept that eyelashes reduce with age. They will rush to the nearest beauty shop and purchase fake eyelashes as soon as she discovers this. We are talking about the extremely long lashes that look like they could double as a fan on a hot day. While at it they will also get artificial finger nails and more piercings!

 10.   The wardrobe transformer-

She suddenly discovers that her grey skirt suits are to 1945. She suddenly discovers multi-colored pencil skirts and crop tops overlooking her protruding belly. Her black and brown loafers will be replaced with six inch green and red heels. If you dare ask her she will tell you “Mwanamke ni high-heels down to earth wachia vumbi!”

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