Immediately he is done, he falls asleep and starts snoring-Nairobi women share their frustrations with men during and after intimacy

In the movies, lovers always peck and cuddle a bit before falling asleep in each other’s arms after sex. But in reality, men tend to fall into a pattern that women find so annoying.

We hit the streets of Nairobi and asked women to share some of their expectations and frustrations with men in the sack and just after intimacy.

The survey unearthed common frustrations among Kenyan women who accused the men of not being intimate enough and having a tendency to lose interest, or even black out, soon after the act.

Sleeping on the job

Take for instance the case of one Jacqueline, a hairdresser. She says she has dated a couple of men who had annoying habits, especially after intimacy.

Hear her: “There was this guy I dated a while back. Immediately he is done, he falls asleep and starts snoring like a tractor. Whenever I tried to cuddle  him, he would roll over and sleep on his stomach and ignore me completely.”

She says everything was great and he always took her out for hot dates and bought gifts, but this after-sex habit pissed her off.

“When you talk to women, they will tell you. Most men are great lovers, but when it comes to handling matters after sex, they are absolutely terrible. There are those who start talking rubbish and carelessly just after the act. I recall this man I once dated who always seemed to be in a hurry to leave once he was done.

Poor intimacy etiquette

“He would hurriedly switch on his phone, as if he was missing out on some important deal. He would make a beeline for the washroom, pick up his stuff and come up with an excuse to leave. At times, he would start asking silly questions, like why I haven’t made my hair like this or that celebrity,” says Jacqueline.

As the adage goes, most men give love to get intimacy, while women give intimacy to get love. A certain Nancy, a grocer in Nairobi’s Kasarani estate, tickled this writer with her bedroom experiences with her husband. Apparently, she’s so used to it now that she can joke about it.

She says that her man cares less about her feelings and whether she gets satisfied or not, he never seems to be bothered. What’s more, he is a one-minute man!

“I am just there. I am used to him. At times, especially in the mornings, just after he has climaxed, he jumps out of bed and groans with satisfaction. Meanwhile, I will be there sweating and gasping for breath while he laments how late he is for work and starts barking orders, asking me to brush his shoes,” giggles Nancy.

Men who don’t talk while at it

Rose and her friend are not alone. Beth, a city-based businesswoman says she has seen it all. Her current live-in boyfriend never talks throughout the act.

“The man never says a thing. Even when I try to romantically moan to rouse him into reciprocating and saying how he feels, he keeps mum. You would be forgiven for thinking he is deaf!” Beth says.

Beth adds that great intimacy can be ruined by poor etiquette that follows immediately after the act, because it makes a woman feel unappreciated, used and even wasted. When asked whether she expects men to say “thank you” after intimacy, she  quickly agrees without realising that even women hardly express gratitude.

Yelling orders, instructions

From many other women we talked to, we gleaned that women hate men who yell orders and use ‘dirty’ words in the bedroom. Nothing excites women like men who listen to them, and ask questions for clarity.

Gentlemen, its seems that when asked to ‘slow down,’ ‘go faster’ or ‘go deeper,’ that is exactly what women want. It’s not about clumsily and ruthlessly going at it as if your life depends on it! Be gentle. And remember, half the time, it’s not about what you are saying, but how you say it.

That’s what the women told us. If you are uncomfortable with something, don’t yell or accuse or blame them. Say it gently, or better yet, offer an alternative.