I get tired, and even bored with women who always seem to pop out of the shadows whenever a prominent or rich man dies. This trend has become so commonplace that it is no longer entertaining or dramatic as we used to find it. Old script. I often wonder, when will such women ever learn?
They pop out of the woodwork, thinking that a dramatic entrance at a funeral will somehow get them some recognition for being the side dish.
In fact, I often think that some side dishes are very brave and even overly naïve when they turn up after the cheating culprit passes on.
Perhaps, because they seem to have this illusion that they can get some recognition or even mercy from the same wife they have frustrated time and again by cheating with their husbands.
And do not get me wrong, I am not judging, because I do understand that we are living in ratchet times where marriage vows are meaningless to many people.
And while everyone blames number twos or other secret ‘wives’ for being home wreckers, I have come to learn that not all wives are the innocent victims. I used to passionately defend the honour of all wives but I have come to realise that women who do not want to have a number two usually walk away.
But those who do not have their own selfless and selfish reasons for staying. In fact, not all wives who are cheated on are victims; some are the instigators. And in fact they feel relived when their husband/ man goes out to find other women because this gives them (unhappy wives) a break of sorts.
Thus, since number twos or other secretly kept women are not going anywhere as long as men keep cheating and their wives keep taking them back, we need some ground rules.
A lot of women today are quick to play number two, but despite most seeming intelligent, they enter into the sidepiece relationship without fully understanding the terms of the deal and that is why you have embarrassing scenes at funerals.
Cheating is expensive
So let me enlighten you.
Firstly, women who decide to be the mpango wa kando need to understand that there will be no wedding and that number one is not going anywhere. And yes, he is probably still sleeping with the wife or main chick.
Secondly, if you are going to be a home wrecker it better be worth your while, you better be living in Runda, Karen, Spring Valley, Kileleshwa or some other high end place.
It makes little sense for a man to make you a second or secret wife, yet he finds you a house in some dingy place. I mean, cheating is expensive, and men know this too well.
Also, you better be driving a Mark X, a Mercedes, a Prado or any other serious machine (please not a Vitz) and shopping in London. You better be living it up, you know!
Thirdly, do not get pregnant (without his consent) as a way to tie him down, it will get you kicked to the curb faster that you can say, “baby”.
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Fourthly , remember to save and have a financial plan B, so you are not living in Runda one day and the next homeless because your stolen man is dead or has dumped you.
Lastly, remember that you are in a secret relationship, and that number one and family will always rank first, and then you! So before you choose to be wife in secret, consider the above.