This week’s topic
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I am 38, and have been dating this man who has already introduced me to his family and I also introduced him to mine. We have been having trouble getting children that we even decided to seek medical advice.
Before this, we had an agreement that if it turned out I could not have children, we would either adopt or he would go for a daughter he has with another woman. After several tests, I was told that I have fibroids and my womb may not hold a baby. Since then he stopped coming to my house and is not even picking my calls.
He later said that he was marrying another woman because I could not give him children but maintains that he still loves me. He is supporting me financially even though he is with the other woman. I love him very much but I feel cheated that he is living with her.
I am now stressed and going through a depression because of this. I can’t stand to see him with another woman. Please advise...
Millie, it is not children but love that keeps people together. There are women out there who were told the same but later on they went ahead and got children. However, if he truly loves you then he can marry another woman to get children and this can satisfy his need to have children.
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Human beings change when things get out of hand. It is very difficult for men to deal with infertility but I also believe the doctor should have given you several options that you could explore. It seems your agreement was not mutual otherwise he wouldn’t have broken it. Set him free and if he was meant to be yours, he will come back.
If one of his major goals in a relationship was to have children then there is nothing you can do about this. Time is the best and most probable solution to your problem. Staying away from him and forgetting about his current love life may also help. Accept the situation then carry on with your life because worrying will not change anything.
If that man is serious with you, having fibroids is not the end of life. There are other ways of getting children for those who cannot get them the normal way. Talk to your doctor about the available options for your case and stop stressing yourself over this.
I sympathise with your condition but urge you to take heart for no situation is permanent. Remember the story of Sarah in the bible? God is the giver of life and no one knows His timing. It is us who have a problem because we decide to love a person based on children.
Your predicament is not far from what majority face when it comes to unconditional love.Your man had not deeply internalise what it takes to be with you without children and hence made a commitment he couldn’t withstand when the reality settled.
However at this point you need to deal with this reality and God will provide a way out, maybe there is somebody who will love you the way you are, just let it go.Finally having fibroids doesn’t mean the end of the road for having children, just keep on seeking medical attention and prayers, God will work His miracles. I wish you all the best.
If his goal of a relationship was only children,then there is nothing you can do about it.Time is a solution to your kind of problem.Staying away from him and forgetting about his current love life may also help.
Millie, you need to read the signs of the time and appreciate the situation as it is not necessarily as it ought to be. You say that this man is now living with another woman although he claims that it is you he loves.
Well, he seems to be talking one thing and doing something totally different. He not only stopped coming to your house but actually went ahead and moved in with another woman. This was spontaneously after getting the unfortunate results from the test you took.
You may need to be somewhat careful with this relationship as several things don’t seem to be adding up. He may have been looking for a reason to leave you and bring the other relationship out in the open. The options were clear and did not include ending the relationship.
There was also the option of him bringing the daughter he has in the event that you may not have children. Why did he then decide to move in with another woman? I firmly believe that he was living with her even before he found a reason to officially declare this to you as a path to pulling away from you.
If I were you, I would also be curious to know if the woman he has a daughter with would gladly relinquish the young girl to him to be placed under the care of a step-mother. It sounds a little too good to be true that such an option could be open to a man who left a woman he sired a child with. I therefore register my doubts on the authenticity of even that agreement you had.
Millie, I encourage you to start letting go of this relationship early. You may be interpreting his financial support to you up until now as a show of love but this is a relatively easy thing for any man to do. Men support many people and it does not have to be tied to or mixed with love.
You will notice that this support with be on a decline in the days or months ahead and will eventually die out. He may have the goodwill and desire to carry on with this but it will gradually decrease as the responsibilities increase on the other side.
Finally, now that you have the results from the test, you may need to explore other options for your life moving forward. In your situation there are several viable options but the most comprehensive would be to find a man who is widowed and has children.
They are there and are looking for people to share their lives with. This seems more viable because if you decide to adopt a child, it will only become more difficult for you to find someone to share your life with. Adopting a child may only be a unanimous decision between you and the man in your life.