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Hi Chris,
I can’t help feeling that my husband and I are growing apart. We don't talk as much as we used to and every romantic moment is ruined by someone reaching for their phone. How do we rekindle the flame?
Growing Apart
Chris says,
Hi Growing Apart!
It sounds like you’ve identified the problem. It's your gadgets that are driving you apart!
Even the happiest couples pick up their phones dozens of times a day and can’t bear to be away from WhatsApp and social media. We feel compelled to read every notification, sleep with our phone by the bed and carry it around with us. We think nothing of using it while our partner is talking, reading or snuggling beside us.
How often have you been sitting at the same table, but miles apart mentally? Looking down at your screens instead of talking to each other? Whenever a notification disrupts a conversation, it's essentially saying, 'My phone means more to me than you.' This causes endless irritation and gradually rising relationship dissatisfaction.
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Most spouses are especially infuriated when their partner spends evenings or weekends online because it feels as if they’re avoiding spending time together as a couple. Time at home should be 'we' time. And that means mentally, not just physically.
This is especially true at bedtime. If one of you is still online while the other wants to create a romantic moment together, it can cause problems.
This matters. If couples don’t prepare for bed together, they’re unlikely to be in a loving mood. All the verbal foreplay, eye contact, teasing, laughter and smiles are lost when someone is buried in a screen.
So maybe you should sit down with your husband and discuss whether your phones might be causing problems in your relationship. Decide if your screen time is essential and mutual or if it has become disruptive.
Agree on what's OK, such as when you're on call. Agree on phone-free zones, such as the bedroom and times, such as during mealtimes. Then, set your phones aside and focus on each other. You’ll soon feel a lot closer.
All the best,
Chris
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