A mother's love: How close is too close for women and their sons?

A mother's love: How close is too close? (Photo: iStock) A week ago, a video flooded Kenyan social media platforms, capturing a mother embracing her grown son tightly and kissing his lips. The clip elicited a storm of reactions. While some applauded the moment as an endearing display of maternal love, others criticized it as overly intimate. How close is too close for a parent and child? Parents find themselves walking a tightrope-balancing affection and discipline, emotional support and independence, all while navigating cultural and societal expectations. Wanjiku Njoroge, mother to a 14-year-old son says the bond between mothers and sons is unique, and there is something uniquely tender about raising a son. She says it is a relationship woven with pride, hope, and fierce love. "Every evening after school, we hug, and I ask him about his day. It's a ritual I cherish because I know the time will come when he might feel 'too cool' for hugs." She says often when this tradition is done in public, many raise their eyebrows. However, Kevin is not bothered by this. She says when her son is asked about his feelings, often he replies, "Mum's hugs are okay", making it clear that he doesn't mind - at least not yet. For 28-year-old James Otieno, the relationship with his mother has been a cornerstone of his upbringing. "My mum wasn't overly affectionate, and her way of showing love was making sure I had everything I needed and cheering me on from the sidelines," he reflects. James recalls one poignant moment during his KCPE exams: "My mother hugged me tightly and whispered, 'You've got what it takes.' That moment stayed with me. Even now, it's a memory I draw strength from." Sharon Wekesa, a mother of three boys in Eldoret, offers another perspective. "I believe boys need to grow up knowing it's okay to show emotion," she explains. Her eldest son, 17, still hugs her before school. "Sometimes he grumbles, but I know it reassures him," she says. Caroline Mwanzia, a child psychologist and family coach says for many mothers like Wanjiku, physical gestures of love, like a hug or a kiss on the forehead, become rituals of connection-anchors amidst the whirlwind of growing up. As boys grow, their emotional and physical needs evolve - a reality every parent must navigate. Caroline Mwanzia, a child psychologist and family coach, explains: "Both boys and girls thrive on affection, but societal pressures often dictate how boys express or receive it as they mature." The family coach explains that many Kenyan parents grapple with balancing cultural expectations and modern approaches. "In more traditional settings, mothers showing overt affection-especially to teenage or grown sons-might draw disapproving looks. But this doesn't mean those expressions of love are wrong. It's about context, timing, and mutual comfort." Public displays of affection, even within families, are often laced with unspoken rules. While societal norms evolve, Mwanzi emphasises the importance of tuning in to a child's individuality. "Some boys are naturally reserved and may shy away from physical affection as they grow, while others crave that reassurance. The key is to adapt without making them feel pressured or uncomfortable." "Affection doesn't have to disappear as boys grow. It simply changes form. Hugs might change into high-fives, and bedtime kisses might evolve into heartfelt 'good job' conversations." Parenting isn't a one-size-fits-all journey. For mothers raising sons, the challenge lies in nurturing independence while remaining a comforting presence. As Wanjiku puts it, "Being close doesn't mean crossing boundaries. It means being there, in whatever way your child needs." Whether it's a viral hug or a quiet moment of connection, the love between a mother and her son remains one of life's enduring bonds.

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