How to set healthy boundaries after a break-up

Be clear the relationship is over: It is not always entirely your ex’s fault… Some of us are not clear about the end of a relationship.

Set boundaries that enforce this, and stop hanging out ‘as friends’. Maybe you can do that after the boundaries are clear.

Be blunt when you notice your ex is still not getting the message; let them know you understand they may still care for you, but the clingy behaviour is not going to work.

Ask them to respect your space and decision so that they do not feel like all they need to do is to step up their pursuit.

Be civil: Your ex may have resorted to speaking ill of you or spinning the story about what happened between you.

Choose not to get locked into the what happened conversation because any time you get into this conversation with people you mutually know it will get back to your ex, and it may look like you are still interested. When your ex realises, however, you are not speaking about them, it sends the message it is over.

Block them: Block them on your phone and social media accounts. This will help to give both of you time to move on or stop the unnecessary pursuit.

Ask for help when you need it: As I mentioned stalking and clinginess are not emotionally healthy behaviour. Sometimes the clinginess or stalking may put your life at risk.

We have seen it on the news, suicide and murder after a break-up. Therefore, you may need to talk to significant people to intervene with your clingy ex or get the police involved to keep you safe.

 - Jackie Keya is a Blended Family Coach, Family Mediator, Psychologist, Counselor & Life Coach