Did the gynecologist who saved my life just snub me?

Dear Dr Murage,

I recently bumped into the gynaecologist who saved my life during my last delivery years ago. It was a social setting. I tried to catch his eye and jig his memory if only to thank him, but to no avail. Why are gynecologists so aloof?

Cathy

Dear Cathy,

The encounter you describe occurs quite often. You may well have been at the brink of disaster and the gynaecologist you mention aptly came to your aid. It’s good all ended well, and you are alive and kicking. But I can sense your frustration at not being able to express your gratitude at an opportune moment.

Let’s look at your doctor’s position. Doctors have a job to do, and an obligation to be at their best when anybody’s life is at stake. Many will desist from creating too much fuss about it, and shun any attempts for undue recognition. This is more so if you encounter them in an informal gathering. They may have been there in another capacity and to enjoy the events of the day. Being reminded of their medical endeavors may be the last thing they want, which may make them appear unsociable.

Your position is entirely different. Here’s somebody you really want to connect with and pour your heart out to about how you feel. You cannot really understand why they don’t seem interested in your attempts just to say a simple thank you. And possibly follow it up with an anecdote of how life has moved on since your life was saved. What a wasted opportunity, gynecologists must be snobbish and full of themselves!

The middle ground is that every good deed deserves to be appreciated. And those who have done good deeds need to be told every so often. So you have every right to source out your gynaecologist, if you find yourself in their company, and give your appreciation. They should respond in kind and give you a few minutes of their time... that’s how humans respond! But we all wear different hats for different occasions. You will sometimes catch one of us who wants to remain incognito as far as their profession goes. And that must be respected too.

Your gynecologist may have appeared standoffish on the day you had your opportunity. You may never know the reason for that. But you can try a different tack. Think of something impersonal. Like a formal email, or a thank-you card dropped off at their office. You could even book a clinic appointment for something mundane, and use that opportunity to say what you want.

Don’t take your encounter personally. Gynaecologists have a duty to maintain a professional standing even in social encounters. They will sometimes appear aloof, partly to protect confidentiality and partly to keep away from potential inappropriate liaisons.

— Dr Alfred Murage is a consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist