Help, I’m 26 and I’ve never dated, now I'm in an emotional fix

I am 26 and have lived single most of my life. I am currently in my third year of university and have never been in a serious relationship and because of this most people consider me weird but I am happy. However, there is this guy that has been stalking me since childhood and I have always avoided him until he moved into my neighbourhood. I tried to get away from him but two weeks ago, I found myself too weak to resist him and we ended up kissing which I regret. Now his has totally changed and doesn't even greet or talk to me these days which really hurts me because I was starting to have feelings for him. I don't know what to do about him now and I really need your help. Please advise me.

{Hawi}

Boke says:

First you need to know that you have no problem to have not been in a serious relationship at your age as you stated. Meaning you have a clear mind on what you want. So stop judging yourself so harshly. All the same allow me ask you these questions. How are your interpersonal skills? Do you have friends? Are you able to make and keep friends? If you are okay in these areas then you have no cause for alarm. It is important for us to differentiate between antisocial tendencies and knowing what you want and staying focused.

This guy who has pursued you all this time appears to be withdrawing after you tried to warm up to him. Such a reaction only brings feelings of rejection and that is what you could be feeling. A feeling you are not quite familiar with since you've been keeping off relationships. Again you being new in matters of relationships you're likely to have different expectations. You have not sought audience with this man to find out what is really going on before you can make a conclusion.

Yet again You did not say you're in a relationship with this guy, even if you were, and he decides to retreat, always know people are free to make a decision. It is a hard truth but a life saving truth; Don't cling on people who are loosely attached to you. Let whoever wants to leave, leave early enough. So that you do not waste your time, waste your personality on people who do not appreciate you. The earlier such people exit our lives the better, they create room for worthwhile wholesome relationships.

Square your shoulders, hold your head high. Pick the lessons you have learnt and move on with life.

Your take: What the redears say

Have you tried to find out why he has gone quiet on you? Stalking you from primary to now third year means that he started loving since then but you have never reciprocated. Having never fallen in love before may not mean that you can't love. Just like any other person, you truly deserve to love and be loved likewise. Don't be as weird as people think you are.

{Ouma Ragumo}

Most likely he just wanted to prove to you that you are just like any other girl and he has evidence now. It's also possible he didn't like the experience. Forget about him and imagine you never knew him at any time. Carry on with your life but be cautious with men. Let not the experience haunt you, men are not the same.

{Tasma Saka}

I find it hard to understand that you have avoided him since your childhood but when he avoids you for two weeks you complain. You did not tell us his marital status. If he is taken, then he may still like you but fears that you may get pregnant and then create a rift between him and his family. It may also be that he only wants casual friendship with you.

{Onyango Outha}

He could still be hurt that you have rejected him all these years. He may be feeling shy and awkward after kissing you so maybe he needs some time to come to terms with it. Sit down and open up to him that you are concerned about his change of attitude after that day. Am sure he will be reassured that you are not mad at him for kissing you and all will work for you both.

{Felix – Oyugisnet}

Simon says:

Gladys, what happened was a one-time incident and things will go that way every once in a while – even on your side. You described only so well that it was only after you kissed him that he started acting strange. I am inclined to believe that you are not well vast in relationships and with these there is very little you can learn from others so one usually has to go through the tides to fully understand things.

There are some unwritten principles that always play out in relationships and one of these is the thrill of the chase. This emanates from the excitement men derive from chasing after a lady who just will not give in. This thrill pumps adrenalin through their bodies causing an irresistible thrill. This thrill lasts as long as the chase is on and dies out immediately the subject gives in. This is not to say that ladies should not give in to the chase, but when the chase is too long, it should be gradual to allow for a subtle friendship to grow from which a relationship may form and blossom.

At present, it may not necessarily be that he is no longer interested in you; he could be dealing with many other things including the guilt of thinking that he pushed you too far, the uncertainty that comes with a relationship with a long time friend among many other things. I would encourage you to give him some time but keep prompting him every once in a while so that he may get to know that you are also somehow interested in him. There is also a possibility that he may be thinking that you are still playing too hard to get so he is trying to keep some distance.

With the situation as it is, there are too many possibilities and given time, light may be shed on what is really going on between the two of you. However, bear in mind that not all friendships blossom into relationships and not all relationships mature into marriages. Some relationships never get off the ground; others break halfway while a few will be fortunate enough to mature into something serious. Keep an open mind about this and be open to new friendships as it is only from these friendships that relationships sprout and grow.