My husband is 42, has a good job but won’t invest

We are both 42 and live in a rented house in a nice neighborhood. We studied together for both our undergraduate and post-graduate degrees and were blessed with good jobs. However, we spend most of our money to pay rent and maintain a standard of living that I feel is too high for us. We have no investments (not even a small plot) and we survive mostly on credit cards. Whenever I bring up the issue of investing in land or houses he always has reasons why it is the wrong time to buy anything. If I try to buy on my own, he says that I want to leave him and many other nasty things. He has not even built a house for himself at home and it is always shameful having to sleep in his mother’s house when we go visiting them. How can I get my husband to at least think about investing for the security of our family? He is too obsessed with this lifestyle of big cars and living in nice apartments.{Phyllis}

Your Take:

Phyllis, life is a matter of choices. Remember you may be investment-minded when he loves an extravagant life. Let him not think that at forty he is growing any younger. If are working then you have to know that you are soon retiring in ten to 15 years coming.

 Does it mean you are backing off your good ideas because he has a feeling that you want to leave him? What would you do if you lost your jobs today without an alternative way to eat or get money. Let him not kill your ambition for high life that will never last!

{Ouma Rangumo – Sifuyo}

That is a man whose ego is bigger than his ability. He has shown that he likes good things and will not feel offended if the same comes his way. Plan your expenditure, buy and let him know that you have bought, for the benefit of the family. He will finally come round to seeing that you have always meant well for the family and join you. Help him see sense in this without necessarily shouting at each other.

{Tasma Charles}

Phyllis, set a goal for yourself and go ahead to invest, but do not tell him. Instead, surprise him with your actions a few years later.

{Mercy Mwariri}

Which bell are you waiting for so you can go ahead and invest. Sometimes we lead by actions then the people follow later. Show him them way.

{Joanne Kilaya}

Set the pace Phyllis; you are doing this for your family and he will come to respect you for it someday. I wish you all the best. However, remember to respect him as the head of the house.

{Berita Mwende}

Counselor’s Take:

Money matters are like any form of cancer; initially they go undetected and everything feels OK but after a while one begins to experience some problems. If not checked, it continues eating you up to the point that if detected at advanced stages — there is really nothing that can be done to rescue you.

As you put it, you send most of your money to maintain a certain standard of living and survive mostly on credit cards. An essential indicator of financial distress is when you cannot make it to the next month without borrowing (credit cards included).

What this does is that it reduces your income for the forthcoming month thereby compelling you to borrow more in the coming month a cycle that recurs and worsens month-on-month.

Other glaring signs of financial distress and/or turmoil include; one, having little or no money to save on a regular basis (preferably monthly); two, the absolute lack of an emergency security fund (savings that can last you at least six months); three, very little investments towards providing social and economic safety nets for the family e.g. land, a house, a farm e.t.c.; four, absence of consensus on the primary financial goals and priorities of the family (consolidated in a periodical budget) and five, buying everything you want even when you cannot afford it which often leads you to putting it on your credit card.

The first step in all this is to collectively assess your financial status in terms of income, expenses, liabilities (loans including credit card payments) and investments. Compare your monthly income to monthly expenditure and what you get not only likely to continue but is bound to increase/grow.

Once you are done with this assessment, you will need to identify critical elements on which you can leverage to reduce expenditure and liabilities thereby increasing the amount of money at hand. This should not be kept somewhere in a bank account but should be invested or put in a place where it is not easily accessible for instance a Sacco.

The next and very important thing is to burn your way to financial safety by setting your credit cards ablaze. Trust me this is the best thing you can do for yourselves at the moment. All these can and will only be effective if they are done collectively with mutual realization and agreement between the two of you otherwise it will not work.  {Taurus}