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What do I do? My househelp is so pretty, I feel insecure

 Photo: Courtesy

I am 32, happily married with two children. For two months now, we have had a very nice house girl who is very good with the kids and at her work. There is, however, one disturbing situation. Everything about her is just perfect. She is beautiful, has a perfect figure, she is young has nice legs and all those things men die for. She knows it, I know it and my husband seems to know as much. I think he is attracted to her, having caught him severally staring at her. I had to take her since I work a tight schedule. He speaks highly of her and I cannot even correct her in his presence. From next month, my husband will be working from home. I think this is trouble and I really don't know what to do. {Dorene}

Your Take:

Doreen you have felt insecure and jealous of the girl. Why don’t you trust your man? You have described all about this girl’s beauty. How do you know that all you have described in her is your man’s best? Staring at somebody is and may be normal and may not have any sexual connotation. If you don’t trust him, look for another girl.

{Ouma Ragumo}

It seems a relationship is looming between your husband and househelp. You need to move with speed to save your marriage. Engage your husband in a mature discussion over the issue so that you may find a long lasting solution.

{Ojou Robert}

Act fast and save your marriage before she becomes a co-wife. It seems you have left everything in the maid’s responsibility, your home, kids and husband. You are now like a stranger in your own home. Your problem is you are failing to balance your activities, remember you are a wife, mother, professional. Marriages are precious, you need to work hard and put this back on track. If you no longer feel comfortable with this maid, she’s not part and parcel of this system.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

Doreen you are yet to establish if the maid is attracted to your husband as well since it takes two to tango. Besides you know your husband just too well and you have not said he has a weakness with women. Your mind may be playing games with you or you are just over protective. Discuss your fears with him and if not convinced send her away.

{Tasma Charles}

This is where your love and trust is tried and tested. It would be naive to ignore the facts of this situation. However, not every man would stoop as low as low to date a housemaid. It may be better to let her go before it is too late.

{Charles Olanya}

The maid should have been on her way when he started noticing her. You may actually be too late. Get another one as soon as possible and if he wants to follow her then too bad but don’t let this happen in your own house unless you are also looking for a co-wife.

{Tina Kelo}

Counselor’s Take:

Your concerns are genuine and you have an obligation to protect your man. Indeed, domestic workers can be a great temptation for men but with the right approach to this, you can manage that situation.

However, I may emphasize that the fact that she is attractive and perfect in every way does not increase the likelihood that he may want to be with her. For a man to want to get with a laborer that his wife has engaged in the house, that is to a large extent a display of mediocrity.

However, you also need to understand that sometimes it is not just about the man wanting to be with the house girl, the girls also have their share of sins when it comes to these issues. They are also known to strategize and get the men hooked and eating from the palm of their hands. This is a situation you need to be cautious of and take reasonable measures to curb.

What does “reasonable measures constitute”? Well, this involves first letting go of your insecurities and treating her with care and respect. Sometimes these girls will get with your man, not because they really want him but to hit back at you. This will at least ensure that your hands are clean and should anything happen, she would be overwhelmed by guilt that she will not last as long in your house.

On another front, this arrangement your husband is going to have (working from home) will present a complex situation where they will spend much more time than is reasonably necessary together and in seclusion. This is bad for business as it will breed too much familiarity which will only lead to contempt.

If there is an option you can explore to get him working elsewhere the better and easier it will be for you. The thought of a man stuck with a beautiful lady in a house day after day after day does not ideally paint a bright picture. However, if you do your part and do everything right you should have nothing to worry about. {Taurus}




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