x Eve Woman Wellness Readers Lounge Leisure and Travel My Man Bridal Health Relationships Parenting About Us Digital News Videos Opinions Cartoons Education E-Paper Lifestyle & Entertainment Nairobian Entertainment Eve Woman Travelog TV Stations KTN Home KTN News BTV KTN Farmers TV Radio Stations Radio Maisha Spice FM Vybez Radio Enterprise BULK SMS E-Learning Digger Classified The Standard Group Corporate Contact Us Rate Card Vacancies DCX O.M Portal Corporate Email RMS
Login ×
BTV
VAS
DCX
RMS

5 Ways to get closure after a breakup

Relationships - By Jeniffer Karina | September 3rd 2016 at 11:12:13 GMT +0300
Photo; Courtesy

Healing and finding closure after a breakup is one of the greatest dilemmas of relationships. So many people hurt, bleed and carry too much baggage. Whether or not the relationship needed to end or the agreement is mutual, it is not easy.

It is easier said than done, to get over your ex is not a quick fix process as many expect. It is generally complicated by the attachment and the intimacy levels shared between two love birds.

Many get extremely anxious, broken and bitter after a breakup, getting stuck in an emotional web. How long will I be hurting? Asked James, it is one year since we parted yet there is not a single day I don’t think about my Ex. I experience various emotions of guilt, anger, fear, frustration and resentment and feel miserable.

Several researchers on love and separation are of the view that the brain in love is wired for reward. The absence of the ex does not automatically remove the anticipated reward desire. The desire is not for the love, but for the ex, and as a result an individual experiences painful withdrawal, emotionally and in many cases physical manifestation of the pain becomes evident.

Here are five steps to overcoming a breakup and finding happiness again:

1. Acknowledge the reality

When confronted with the reality of a breakup, it is overwhelming and what is comfortable is to be in denial, a way of numbing the pain, surely this cannot be happening to me. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the pain.

  1. READ MORE
  2. 1. What you shouldn’t do if you disagree with your spouse
  3. 2. Six intimacy killers you should know
  4. 3. Bad bachelor: How do I get out of this sexagenarian entrapment?
  5. 4. What does self-care look like?

It helps the individual from being overwhelmed by the reality of the loss and acts as a cushion and safety net, at this point, life makes little or no sense. Denial helps the individual pace their feelings of pain and frustration. Acknowledge what has happened and yes cry all you need to, it helps release the tension and move to the level of acceptance.

2. Assess the relationship

Many times, value is placed in a relationship that should have ended. The loss magnifies the partner’s value. It is helpful to be realistic and to assess the relationship, what worked what did not and what you liked most about your Ex.

Interestingly whenever we have had an assessment test with an Ex that is hurting, they end up wondering, why they had not ended the relationship earlier. Many times, before a relationship is over, it technically had ended long before but continued to hold on, hoping for a miracle. Assessing the relationship will help you in letting go faster in recognizing that your Ex did not deserve your love in the first place. Secondly, it will help you acknowledge your own weakness to avoid the same pitfalls in the next relationship. Whatever you do, don’t get into a rebound relationship before finding healing.

3. Rediscover your authentic self

Going through a breakup can rob an individual of their self-esteem and self-worth, it is important to take time to rediscover yourself after a breakup. Pamper yourself to a large extent and do things you have always wanted to do, travel, learn a new skill, find new networks.

Work out, and join a team that loves to work out and do outdoor activities. It is easy to slip into a depression when you stay isolated through the grief and loss period, it helps to be with others. Stay in touch with family for social support and do not hesitate to seek their indulgence whenever necessary.

4. Stop talking about your Ex

Whatever you do, don’t talk about your Ex to everyone willing to listen. The more you talk about it the harder it becomes to move towards your healing. If you need to process the pain, seek professional help this will help you debrief and make significant movement.

Talking about your ex keeps you captive, it is also not honorable, it attracts retaliation and it also hinders other good potential relationships that could come your way. Keep positive, your mind focused on things that are good, true, pure, lovely, honorable and of excellence.

5. Do not be too hard on yourself

Allow yourself to rediscover other people, do not stereotype and blanket all others. Treat every other relationship with a level of curiosity and caution, but avoid being judgmental and cynical. Let go, seek happiness in everything that you do. Be grateful for the small things in life, continually having an attitude of gratitude will attract peace and sound relationships.

Top Stories

'My partner's mum bought me a wedding dress but we're not even engaged'
Bridal - By Mirror


#Confessions: I still love my cheating ex but he can’t make up his mind
Relationships - By Mirror


Bad bachelor: How do I get out of this sexagenarian entrapment?
My Man - By Art Amacho


Woman left in stitches as she reads back list of goals she made in January 2020
Lady Speak - By Mirror


How to safely bleach your hair with hydrogen peroxide
Hair - By Renee Wesonga


Dry-humping can get you pregnant...even with your clothes on
Health - By Daily Mail


4 ways to break a soul tie
Relationships - By Jennifer Karina


7 Benefits of using eggs for facial treatment
Skin Care - By Naomi Mruttu


Baby daddy: Setting boundaries when you are not in a relationship with him.
Baby Care - By Everlyne Muchoki


How to safely bleach your hair with hydrogen peroxide
Hair - By Renee Wesonga


Latest Stories

What you shouldn’t do if you disagree with your spouse
Relationships - By Esther Muchene


#Confessions: My best friend loves me but I'm worried we're going to mess it up
Relationships - By Mirror


Telltale signs that your friends are trustworthy
Relationships - By Mirror


#Confessions: I still love my cheating ex but he can’t make up his mind
Relationships - By Mirror


Relationship milestones worth celebrating
Relationships - By Lolita Bunde


Eight relationship tips couples often forget
Relationships - By Esther Muchene


Taiwan celebrates equality, coronavirus success in Asia's largest Pride march
Relationships - By Reuters


Confessions: I got my boyfriend a DNA test and it revealed his mum's secret relationship
Relationships - By Mirror


Love it: How forgiveness leads to a happier life
Relationships - By Nina Odongo


How to tell someone you are not interested without ghosting
Relationships - By Esther Muchene


Stay Ahead!

Access premium content only available
to our subscribers.

Support independent journalism
×
Log in
Support independent journalism
Create an account    Forgot Password
Create An Account
Support independent journalism
I have an account Log in
Reset Password
Support independent journalism
Log in