Is your partner speaking your love language?

Is your partner speaking your love language? (Photo: iStock)

Understanding love languages provides a practical approach to ensuring that affection is not only offered, but also truly received. Tailoring gestures to a partner’s preferences makes love more intentional. Long-term relationships require more than surface-level romance; they require deeper emotional fulfilment, such as security, emotional safety, reliability and shared growth.

1. Words of Affirmation

People whose primary love language is words of affirmation value verbal expressions of love and appreciation. Frequent “I love yous,” compliments, encouragement, thoughtful messages, and digital communication such as texting or social media engagement make them feel seen and valued.
According to Beverly Okoth, a Mental Health Expert, Counselling Psychologist, and Youth Mentor specialising in emotional resilience, attachment, and relational wellbeing, words of encouragement and reliable emotional cues trigger neurochemical responses that regulate stress, reinforce safety, and strengthen connection. In essence, love begins as a neurological experience. Words of affirmation directly activate the brain’s reward systems, reinforcing self-worth and emotional security.

2. Quality Time

For people whose love language is quality time, feeling loved means having a partner who genuinely wants to spend time with them. Active listening, eye contact, meaningful conversations, and shared activities are essential.
This love language centres on undivided attention being fully present without distractions from phones, television, or external interruptions. It’s not about the length of time spent together, but the depth of engagement. Even minor distractions can quietly signal neglect to someone who values quality time.
3. Acts of Service

If acts of service are your love language, actions truly speak louder than words. You feel most loved when your partner goes out of their way to make your life easier through small or significant tasks that show care, effort, and thoughtfulness.
People with this love language appreciate reliability, follow-through, and practical support. These gestures communicate love through consistency and dependability, creating emotional security and trust.

4. Receiving Gifts
For those whose love language is receiving gifts, tangible items serve as visual symbols of love. It’s not about monetary value, but the intention behind the gift the thought, reflection, and emotional meaning attached to it.
People with this love language feel deeply loved when someone remembers them, chooses something deliberately, and presents it as a representation of the relationship. The emotional impact comes from knowing they were held in someone’s thoughts.

5. Physical Touch

People who value physical touch feel loved through affectionate contact such as holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing, and sexual intimacy. Safe, appropriate touch activates oxytocin, calming the nervous system and deepening feelings of safety and belonging according to Dr Beverly.
Often, the roots of this love language trace back to childhood, where affection and security were expressed through physical closeness. For these individuals, touch remains a powerful emotional connector.

We often give love the way we prefer to receive it, assuming others experience it the same way. When emotional needs go unrecognised, relationships can feel strained or unsatisfying even when affection is genuine. Most relational struggles don’t stem from a lack of love, but from misaligned emotional communication.
Dr Beverly Okoth emphasises that understanding love languages adds depth beyond romance. They reveal how our brains register safety, value, and emotional connection. Love doesn’t need to be loud or performative. It thrives in quiet, consistent acts of presence, effort, acknowledgement, and understanding. These simple practices deepen connection long after the flowers fade