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Dear Coleen
For four years my husband has been seeing prostitutes.
It seems he thinks it’s OK to have sex with other people. Well it isn’t! He doesn’t even class it as cheating on me as it’s ‘just sex’ (his words, not mine).
He even started to see prostitutes while on holiday with me and has ruined our fantastic memories.
I know he loves me but he can’t have any respect for me.
And his behaviour isn’t as ‘secret’ as he thinks it is, as I know a lot more about what he’s getting up to than he realises and I’m really depressed by it all.
I sometimes feel so low that I think about just taking myself out of his life. I can’t take much more.
I’m heartbroken. I wish I could reverse the clock and have our life back the way it was when he wouldn’t have dreamed of cheating on me. All I do is cry.
Coleen says
Firstly, if what you’re saying is that you’re considering taking your own life then please get help. That is never the answer.
I can hear the heartbreak in your letter and you sound beaten down to the point where you’ve accepted this is the way it will be and you have no power to change things. But you do.
You need to believe that you deserve better and find the courage to either walk away or give him an ultimatum.
Get angry and use that anger to motivate yourself. Stop allowing his appalling behaviour to make you feel low.
Of course, it’s easier said than done, but don’t let your fear of losing him stop you confronting him. What would you be losing?
How could you be unhappier without him? You’re with him and you’re already at rock bottom – and he’s made you feel that way.
If you do want to try to keep your marriage together, you have to have a frank discussion.
You don’t say if you have any kind of sex life. If you don’t, you need to talk about why that is and if there’s any hope of saving your marriage.
It’s a hard topic to discuss with other people, but I think you need to get these emotions out. If you can confide in a close friend, do that.
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