x Eve Woman Wellness Readers Lounge Leisure and Travel My Man Bridal Health Relationships Parenting About Us Digital News Videos Opinions Cartoons Education E-Paper Lifestyle & Entertainment Nairobian Entertainment Eve Woman Travelog TV Stations KTN Home KTN News BTV KTN Farmers TV Radio Stations Radio Maisha Spice FM Vybez Radio Enterprise BULK SMS E-Learning Digger Classified The Standard Group Corporate Contact Us Rate Card Vacancies DCX O.M Portal Corporate Email RMS
Login ×
BTV
VAS
DCX
RMS

Should I forgive my sister's cruel comment about me?

Relationships - By Mirror | October 8th 2015 at 11:56:05 GMT +0300
Photo:Courtesy

Dear Coleen

I’m a 18-year-old girl who, after a very abusive relationship, has suffered with depression, eating disorders and very low self-esteem.

My ex-boyfriend spent our whole relationship calling me awful things and he forced me to start starving myself. After a horrible year with him, I managed to leave and was under the care of an eating disorder unit until being discharged a few months ago.

Recently, my family and I were having a quiet night in for my mother’s birthday when my 13-year-old sister came into the room in a very short dress and ridiculously high heels that she couldn’t walk in and, to top it off, she was caked in make-up. After questioning her about her outfit, she became very defensive and said: “Just because you’re jealous that all your nice dresses don’t fit your fat body any more.”

I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for a good two hours. My mum told her off, but after that it was forgotten.

But not by me.

I haven’t spoken to her since, as she hasn’t given me a sincere apology. And now my parents are having a go at me! They don’t see how badly it has upset me and how hurt I am that my own sister has made this comment.

  1. READ MORE
  2. 1. 'My bridezilla sisters are demanding I make their wedding dresses for them'
  3. 2. Love it: How forgiveness leads to a happier life
  4. 3. Two sisters at war with agents over Sh12b land cash

Am I in the wrong for not forgiving her straight away? Am I overreacting?

Coleen says

First of all, well done on leaving your abusive ex – that must have taken a lot of strength and courage.

Now don’t let this set you back. Your sister was probably embarrassed that you made her feel silly in her outfit and, being only 13, doesn’t have the maturity to handle it. So she’s picked on your Achilles heel – your weight – because she knew that would hurt you more than anything else. I remember when my sons were younger, Shane Jnr would embarrass Jake about something and Jake would come back at him by saying something like, “at least I’m not spotty”, which would enrage Shane because he was self-conscious about his skin at the time.

I know you had a serious eating disorder, but at 13 your sister is still a child and has so much to learn. She won’t realise how serious your problem was and that it is still an ongoing battle for you. Thankfully it’s a battle you’re winning, so don’t let the silly, ill-judged words of a 13-year-old ruin all that progress.

The way to start talking to her is not to argue, but to say: “You know what? That comment hurt me a lot. I don’t want us to fall out, but you need to understand that comments around my weight are crossing the line and aren’t easy for me to get over.”

You should also emphasise to your parents that you are still sensitive and it’s not easy to just brush off a comment like that. Take control like you have done in other areas of your life so successfully, and be the grown-up here. I think you’ll feel stronger for it.

Top Stories

Bride slammed for shaming best friend's wedding gift on social media
Bridal - By Mirror


Men only: Why many millennial marriages will fail...unless
My Man - By Tony Mochama


Bad bachelor: How do I get out of this sexagenarian entrapment?
My Man - By Art Amacho


Six intimacy killers you should know
Between The Sheets - By Esther Muchene


4 ways to break a soul tie
Relationships - By Jennifer Karina


Confessions: I could be infertile, it has ruined my finances and three marriages
Readers Lounge - By Simon and Boke


Dry-humping can get you pregnant...even with your clothes on
Health - By Daily Mail


7 Benefits of using eggs for facial treatment
Skin Care - By Naomi Mruttu


How to safely bleach your hair with hydrogen peroxide
Hair - By Renee Wesonga


9 Ways to differentiate real human hair from a fake one
Hair - By Renee Wesonga


Latest Stories

What you shouldn’t do if you disagree with your spouse
Relationships - By Esther Muchene


#Confessions: My best friend loves me but I'm worried we're going to mess it up
Relationships - By Mirror


Telltale signs that your friends are trustworthy
Relationships - By Mirror


#Confessions: I still love my cheating ex but he can’t make up his mind
Relationships - By Mirror


Relationship milestones worth celebrating
Relationships - By Lolita Bunde


Eight relationship tips couples often forget
Relationships - By Esther Muchene


Taiwan celebrates equality, coronavirus success in Asia's largest Pride march
Relationships - By Reuters


Confessions: I got my boyfriend a DNA test and it revealed his mum's secret relationship
Relationships - By Mirror


Love it: How forgiveness leads to a happier life
Relationships - By Nina Odongo


How to tell someone you are not interested without ghosting
Relationships - By Esther Muchene


Stay Ahead!

Access premium content only available
to our subscribers.

Support independent journalism
×
Log in
Support independent journalism
Create an account    Forgot Password
Create An Account
Support independent journalism
I have an account Log in
Reset Password
Support independent journalism
Log in